The girls participated in the Classic team tournament in Wichita this weekend. All the kids did awesome and some had some really high scores. Gen and Syd were among them. Gen had her highest game to date with a 191 and both girls received pins to mark their accomplishments today. Gentry reminds me on a regular basis that she has been bowling half as long as I have but our averages are pretty evenly matched. I wonder how she is going to feel when her little sister ends up beating us both!

Full Moon

I had a two hour drive back from Wichita tonight and as it started to get dark I was scanning the sky to see the moon... but I couldn't find it! I started second guessing myself wondering if I had read the calendar wrong but I KNEW I hadn't. Finally it made it's appearance from behind the thick cloud cover just as we were starting our fire ceremony tonight. The illumination it gave off was powerful and absolutely amazing. 

This was my first fire ceremony. It was the first for the majority of us around the fire tonight. We prayed silently, we gave our past offerings to the fire and we gave thanks to God for his blessings. At the end of the evening we made plans to do this again, maybe even regularly now that we have a better idea of what to do. We left feeling refreshed and spiritually 'cleansed' for lack of a better term. The only thing we need to do is get a better babysitter for little "Guinea One Feather." 

A few days ago I wrote about a dream I had about the bats. The dream disturbed me so much I enlisted some help to interpret. To my relief NONE of the responses I received involved death, demons, or bad omens to come. Dreams are not usually prophesy and they can be perceived so many different ways. The explanation I liked the best was this: The home represents me and the bats represent all the bad things in my life, sin, etc. that I want to get rid of. The fact that my Mom and my friends were in the dream signifies that I am relying on them to help me and the blood on the wall signifies the blood of Christ indicating that I am relying heavily on my faith.

A wise woman recently reminded me how to pray. She said we should pray to God in the same manner we use to ask our parents for the keys to the car. We don't say, "I hope I get.." or "I wish for..", we ask Him straight out for exactly what we want and then we don't ask again, having faith that our prayers will be answered and always end with the Lord's Prayer. It's been really hard for me not to nag God and say, "hey.. remember last week when I asked you for... ?" Really, really hard.

Today I got some really good news that I am not ready to share on here just yet but it is exactly what I asked Him for and I have faith that my bats are not going to be hanging around much longer. 

Small things that melt my heart...

Gen and I both came home yesterday not feeling so hot and she was up all night with a barking cough. It didn't help any that in the middle of the night, in a NyQuil induced stupor I accidentally gave her daytime medicine.  *ugh* Sorry sweetie.

My little Sydie knows how much her mommy needs her coffee in the morning and she knew we didn't sleep well. I woke up to find this sweet little cup of caffeine yumminess on my nightstand waiting for me. But it was the little note taped to the handle that perked me up.

 

“I am in my home alone and I have a big picture window in my living room with long tan drapes on both sides. Covering the drapes are thousands of small, furry, black bats. I look at one closely and it looks back at me with its brown glass-like eyes but I can’t force myself to touch it or remove it. As I move through the house I find them all over. On one wall there are bright red blood stains. My Mom is now in my house and she is trying to figure out how to get them out of the house. We discuss simply opening the door and flushing them out. While she is doing that I find two blue and red ribbons hanging on my bakers rack in the kitchen. I go to remove them and throw them away but one of my friends is in the kitchen and tells me they belong to another friend of mine so I put them back.”

That’s when I woke up. I hardly ever remember my dreams and often times I do dream in color. This dream is haunting me because it could have so many different interpretations. I wrote about the symbolism of the bat back in the summer but since then I have started transforming and I have begun to face my fears so now I am obsessed with finding out why there are literally thousands of bats coming to me in my dreamtime. Is it because I am overwhelmed with grief or, does it mean that something awful is about to happen to someone I love? All I do know is I can’t get this out of my head and I have to find out more.

 I have a good friend who is starting a new chapter in her life this summer. So much has happened to her the past year and the last piece of her puzzle from the past is the closing on her house. I told her that this is truly when that door finally closes and she is allowed to move forward and to signify the occasion, we should hold a fire ceremony.  This is something my friends and I have talked about doing for a year but now seems like the perfect time to actually do it.  

A fire ceremony is a Native American practice usually held during each full moon to release something from the past or during a new moon if the request is for something new.  Our plan is to hold this during the next full moon the end of this month. Each person will bring something from their past that they wish to burn.  After these things have burned in our fire we each write down something new on a clean piece of paper that we want to ask God to bring into our lives. This paper is then placed in the fire to signify replacing the past.  It’s a very personal and symbolic ceremony that can be as open or private as you wish but more importantly it is a time of celebration and release.  My hope is that by doing this together and supporting each other it will bring a close group of friends even closer on a spiritual level.

When I was writing about my Dad last month and then after he passed away, there was another important aspect to all that I didn't write about because I had to process it first.

Dad was of the opinion that once we are gone we have no use for our physical bodies and if someone can benefit from our empty shell, by all means let them. Based on this belief he wanted his body donated to the KU Medical Center. We later were told that he was not a good candidate based on the amount of cancer in his body and the fact that he was jaundice. Not a big shocker to us but he was a little disappointed. He was also an organ donor but again, we didn't know if any of his organs would be acceptable. Up until this experience I didn't mind the term "harvested" but to use it now hits too close to home and makes me sick to my stomach.

The early morning hours after Dad died were busy with phone calls. I remember getting a call at 3am from a contact person with the eye bank. They wanted permission to "use" my Dad's eyes and said that this donation alone could help up to four individuals. Mom was happy about this because she knew it was what Dad wanted. I won't speak for my sister but while I knew it was the right thing to do... it was difficult to think about. Still is.

Last night Mom was excited to tell me she got a call from the eye bank and recipients had been selected; one in Missouri and another in New York.

Yesterday was a hard day for some reason. There was nothing significant about January 16th but I just missed my Dad. My daughter had a dance performance Friday night and he wasn't there. There are going to be a whole new series of "firsts" that we are going to have to experience this year and frankly, it sucks. On the flip side I know my Dad is watching over me and that thought motivates me to be a better person. I guess I'm still that child trying to make him proud.

 Last Fall I was asked if I would serve on K-State's Classified Senate. This is something that I had wanted to do so I jumped at the chance to serve. We serve as a governing body who advocate and lobby on behalf of the Classified employees or the support staff on campus. As a result I have been exposed to networking opportunities I know I would not have experienced otherwise. As part of this group I was asked to serve on the KSU Governmental Issues Committee which is a larger campus wide group comprised largely by student Senate and faculty Senate as well.

In January the Governmental Issues committee went to Topeka and presented each legislator who is a KSU alum with a hand painted limestone desk name plate and a certificate. This was simply a gesture of appreciation for supporting the University and we did not go with any other message which pleasantly surprised most of them. As we were speaking I could tell they were waiting for the other shoe to drop but we had no ulterior motive. The result was actually some fun casual conversation which mostly consisted of "Hey! Did you see that game last night? Now we just have to beat KU!" because we went the day after the big K-State/Texas game. I did a lot of smiling and nodding, "Yes, it was a good game. Yep, sure was. No, I didn't get to watch it in person..."  while thinking, "nor would I want to but I'm not going to let anyone HERE know that!" Overall I think I did an excellent job of biting my tongue and no one can accuse me of not being a team player. (This time).

Shoes = Love!

If you have to spend Valentines day alone one option is to feel sorry for yourself, eat ice cream and watch Lifetime all day long. A better alternative is to compensate by getting your hair done or by going shopping. Since moping around was not even a remote option in my book and I just got my hair done, I chose shopping! I actually needed to go find something purple to wear for tomorrow but that is a story for another post. Shoes are my weakness. I use to be a lot worse about buying the funkiest shoes I could find but not so much anymore mainly because I don't feel like I have any place to wear them.

I didn't buy either one of these but we did have fun trying on all the "hooker heels." Who needs love when you can have a closet full of fun shoes! To quote the J. Geils Band... "Love stinks."

If only she had been wearing a sweat band...

We went to watch the dodge ball league Bon and Jon are in yesterday. Talk about a flashback to fourth grade! I wanted to play so bad and I told Bon next year I'm totally doing that! I kept thinking what a great way to relieve tension; a game where the object is to beam a total stranger as hard as you can with a rubber ball! Now that is awesome.

My sister got the two of us tickets to the KU/Iowa State game so we had an incredible night out in Allen Fieldhouse. I got a little worried when right before we left her house she said, "Dude! We have GOT to play Dominoes later!" Her enthusiasm was hilarious. Here it was Saturday night, we didn't have to worry about who was watching the kids and she was excited to get home and play Dominoes....sober even! Wow. Now which one of us is the older sister? (Just kidding Bon).

This basketball game was momentous because it was Bill Self's 400th win. Allen Fieldhouse gives me chills anyway but it was very cool that we were there to see him awarded the game ball live and in person.

Before we left we took a few minutes to look around the Booth Hall of Athletics...

We actually did go home and I played Dominoes against my will until well after midnight. I think Bon was 

rethinking the whole thing when I got on a streak and kicked all their butts. That part was loads of fun!

Sporty Spice Gangsta style

Syd's hip-hop dance class performed during half-time last night at the girls high school basketball game. We were calling her Sporty Spice and then she would throw up a gang sign. (Good grief).  She says her teacher named her as one of the "Funky Chickens" of the night. They apparently were told they would get this title if they showed enthusiasm when it was time to free-style. She's my funky chicken alright!

"PEACE!"

New do = Happiness!

I met some very happy girlies at the door last night sporting new "wigs." I know Dani was nervous about giving Gen bangs without me there but that's what she wanted so... And she looks so pretty.

Syd kept jumping up and down shouting, "look how bouncy my hair is!" As difficult as it was for me to keep my mouth shut and let her exercise some freedom, seeing her so pleased is well worth it. Now if I can just figure out how to get it all out of her face for her dance performance tonight. *Ugh.*

Sleepy Excitement

Every since I told my youngest I made her a hair appointment with Dani at Salon 417 she has been so excited. She decided she wanted to do something different and has been looking at hairstyles online almost every night trying to find just the right "look." Last night she finally decided on what she wants and we came to an agreement.

She is my child that has trouble shutting off her brain when she goes to bed and last night was no different. She came downstairs about an hour after I tucked her in and scared the beezus of me! She went back upstairs but then an hour and a half later I heard her upstairs walking around so I went to investigate. Not only was she up walking around but all the lights were on, she had taken a shower and was completely dressed for school! Wow. Now that is a girlie that takes getting her wig done very serious! Um... no pressure Dani. (ha ha.)

My Lucky Day

Some people start their day with a run or some means of exercise. I start my day with spiritual exercise. This is something new I started this year and I look forward to it every morning.. almost as much as that first cup of piping hot coffee. Mmmmmm... almost. First thing this morning I had a little insight that today had excellent potential to be lucky so of course I had to test this theory. Yep, first thing I pulled into work and noticed I didn't have my parking permit. Crap! So, I pulled my old one out of the glove box and hung it on my mirror. I mean, it's the same color. Maybe it would allow me to slide by just for today. Maybe it was too cold for anyone to check but no one noticed and I left work without getting a ticket. I felt lucky.

Every Monday night I bowl with my besties. We aren't serious about it at all and we usually just end up drinking a couple beers and making each other laugh. Tonight I was full of positive energy and I am not sure if I even shut up the whole night, for which I apologized for later. Tonight I had my friends and I was able to share my heart with them and they totally "got me." I felt extremely lucky.

After bowling badly for eight years I FINALLY bowled my first 200 game with a 211! That's pretty pathetic seeing as we own a freaking bowling center and I spend all my free time in it! You would think I would have accomplished this sooner but the fact is I spend a lot of time in Pinsetter's, but I never make the time to bowl. I totally feel like this was the universe telling me the business will sell soon.So, eight years later I am crossing off another personal goal and chalking it all up to my lucky day.

Giggy Bug and Sydie Bitty

One of my plans for this year is to get my old pictures more organized. I realized how desperately I needed to do this while my sister and I were going through album after album putting pictures together for dad's memorial. I love the pictures of the kiddos when they were wee laddies. These are just a few of my favorites.

"Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." John 13:7

I had to borrow this great verse from a friend today because it hit me like a brick.. and made me smile all at the same time. Some days we all feel like the world is crashing down around us and we can't help but wonder what our Creator is thinking. "Why, why why?" That's when our faith has to kick in. Everything happens for a reason. It just might not be the path we were hoping for but in the end, it all makes sense, we learn from it, and we are better because of the journey.

2009 Youth Academy

I know I am waaaay behind posting this but I did not have this picture until recently. For the past four years the City of Clay Center has sponsored a Youth Academy. Students from the middle school have to apply and if chosen they spend the day with city personnel touring the various departments and basically learning about city and county government. This was my third and final year to help so it was extra special because I got to spend the day with one of my daughters and she got to see her mom in a different role.

There are two aspects of this day that the kids seem to enjoy the most. One is crawling around on the street equipment and honking the horns. The other is putting on the fireman's gear and having races with the fire hose to see who can knock over an orange cone first.

As we are standing here she is saying, "Hey mom... this could be our Christmas card!"

Dumptruck Yumminess!

We braved Wildcat country Saturday night to watch the KU game at a local bar with about a hundred of our closest purple friends. Yikes! I'm not a fan of watching KU play K-State while sitting in Manhattan. In the past it has not been pretty and I have a tendency to be superstitious and maybe even a little moody if we happen to lose. So we ventured out with the understanding that if KU was down at the half, I would have to leave the bar. Luckily, we were up by 1pt at the half so I got to stay the entire time. Gen had on a shirt that said "I had a nightmare I was a Wildcat" on the back but she had the adorable factor working for her. She had all kinds of people talking to her, asking her who her favorite player is to which she simply replied, "Cole." She didn't even glance away from the video game she and her friend were playing.

After the game the two girls decided they deserved dessert. This is what the waitress delivered to the table and their eyes got H U G E!

It was a toy dumptruck filled with brownies, oreos, ice cream, whipped topping, and strawberries. After three Cokes each, a plate of hot wings, a basket of fries, and all this sugar... they bounced to the truck, sang all the way home and then stayed up until 1:30 giggling and playing the Wii.