Freud Wouldn't Even Waste His Time

I had a dream Friday night that I was in a beautiful park like setting with ivy covered stone buildings and green lawns. I was minding my own business, taking a picture of an old wooden door with a cool handle (of all things) when two nuns came running up to me. They were frantic and insisted that one of my children was in trouble and I must come quickly with them to the corner of (blah, blah & I don’t remember). So off we ran across those lush green lawns. The two Sisters were kicking my butt running because I was in sandals and they were wearing tennis shoes under their habits. I was panicked to know what had happened; which child? Is she okay? I kept asking and then one of the nuns said, “Someone heard your child say a curse word!” In my dream I remember instantly slowing down and thinking, “Oooooh…. Wow. I guess I need to act as upset as they are.” My kids know they would be punished for swearing but I just felt thankful knowing they weren’t hurt or worse. That’s when I woke up.

It didn’t take much for me to figure out the message my subconscious was sending. I feel like I am not as strict as other parents (the nuns) may be and I don’t want to be viewed as passive. I have my own way of dealing with issues and it is helpful for me to think through a situation first before confronting. I think this may give the appearance of being passive but both of my kids can attest to the fact that I am the polar opposite and they can expect a thorough ass-chewing just as soon as I’m clear the grounds for the chewing.

It figures my subconscious would insert athletic, Nike wearing catholic nuns into my dreams to create the ultimate guilt trip. Well played.

I was forced to learn a difficult parenting lesson this past weekend and it has taken me four days to figure out how to deal with my revised role as a parent/evil dictator. To my friends with smaller children; listen up because your time is coming. No matter how much you love and trust your child, discount nothing. The older they get the sneaker they get and they will play you. I am all for using the fear of God if it keeps my kids from making a bad decision.

•  Make it clear to your child that they are always being watched and their actions will get back to you. By the time they discover this is a half-truth it won’t be a big deal.
• Make a point to occasionally drive by to check up on them when they say they are going to the park or wherever to meet friends. Make sure they are where and with who they say they are.

I am such a Facebook-hater that my first instinct is to advocate for telling them Facebook is the devil. If you have the balls to do that, DO IT! You'll end up getting a lot more of your kid's time and you won't have to worry about online freaks and bad influence friends.

• Don't let them have a facebook page without you as the “gate keeper” and make sure that you have the password to their email address. On the flip side, make a point of checking these things on a regular basis, especially their “deleted” file otherwise it’s a moot point.

For a couple years now my kids have had cell phones. My logic was when their activities are over they need a way to let me know they need picked up. It is also a way for me to check up on them. The mistake I made was letting them have privacy.

• Never give your child complete privacy!

I never checked their messages, never had a reason to. BIG mistake people! Let me tell you that I am now getting into the habit of not only checking to see who they are texting, and what they are texting but they are no longer allowed to just carry the phone at all times. It is a utensil, not an accessory. At night all phones are docked in a central location to charge and not in their rooms. I can’t emphasize enough how beneficial you will find this habit. I made this suggestion last year and was met with such angry opposition that I dropped it. I should have just played the bad guy and did it anyway.


The lesson I learned this past week is this; I am my children’s guardian and protector first and their friend second; not the other way around.

Snappin Pics While Stuck In Traffic

Industrial Art

Gen and I had some fun in the car driving back from Liberty. We were attempting to capture "Industrial Art." Only one of these shots is mine, well... cause I was driving but that was fine because Gen did an awesome job all on her own.

Crossing the  Missouri River bridge

Leaving downtown KC at dusk

10U Phenix Take First!

Syd's softball team earned their first tournament championship trophy this weekend in Liberty Missouri.

It was a LOT of hard work...

The Pop Tart Twins - Halloween 2011

Gentry and one of her friends decided they wanted to be a chocolate and a strawberry pop tart for a Halloween party. I found a costume guide online and here are the finished products. They are made out of a queen size egg-crate mattress topper, cut in half and held together with a half ton of hot glue.

 

"Oh noooo.....

... Cannibal!!!"

It's been a long time since I posted a video and I admit I don't listen to links like these on the blogs I follow. Plain and simple; this song gives me chills and if just one other person feels the same affect then it's worth the space on this page.

The Death Trap 2011

We pondered for weeks wondering how we were going to paint the two remaining areas on the second story since the pitch of my roof will not allow us to stand on it. The result was "The Death Trap" that Dan built and it fastened over the top of the ladder to provide a platform landing.

I made sure I knew where his medical insurance card was before he went up.

Comments like, "Is that a vulture circling? You know they can sense death, right?" were not overly appreciated.

Lunchroom Drama

Syd came home from school yesterday and told me a heartbreaking story. A girl in her class who she described as a ‘goodie-goodie’ who, as far as Syd knows, has NEVER gotten in trouble for anything .. had her luck run out yesterday in of all places, the lunchroom. *Key the music of doom - dum, dum, duuuum.* This little girl got accused of kicking another girl in the shin. The lunchroom teacher got involved and without asking for witnesses (which there weren’t) or any kind of warning, she embarrassed the child by moving her to a table all by herself.  Syd said the girl set her tray beside her, didn’t eat another bite and proceeded to cry. Meanwhile, the accuser is known for being a mean little liar. Just sayin’. The drama carried over into the classroom where the girl proceeded to cry and had to be taken out into the hallway for a chat. I’m thinking this is another Knox story and this girl was wrongly accused and now has been traumatized. It broke my heart. I hope her parents rip somebody a new one! 

I don’t know how or why lunchrooms have evolved into places where power hungry tyrants impersonating teachers linger in the hopes of crushing the spirit of elementary students simply trying to choke down their packaged cardboard food and chatting with friends, but it has. At least it has at my kid’s school. Assigned seats, no talking, no laughing, and if your table is quiet you get a table trophy but OH MY GAWD don’t touch the trophy or it is given to another table and now you run the risk of losing your recess as well! What the hell is this nonsense? Lunchroom nazis; that’s what they are. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I cannot wait until Syd moves up to Junior High next year. The first semester isn’t even over and I can’t count how many times these kids have had their recess taken away, the one thing that gives them an outlet to burn off energy. “They talk too much” is the explanation. “Well I have news for you genius’, they are 10 year old kids; they are going to talk no matter what you do.” Maybe they should run laps. That always shuts me up. (See why I'm so happy I found Erin's blog?)

No Accident

This week I stumbled across a website that instantly has become like crack in the form of words. The cool thing is I came very close to never discovering it which convinces me I was meant to find it. The link to this blog was mentioned in another blog newsletter I routinely get via email. I’ve been so swamped at work with my co-worker on a two week vacation that I nearly deleted it without reading, figuring I wouldn’t have time. Instead I MADE time and found a true jewel.

The writer, Erin Pavlina reminded me how long it has been since I took the time for myself. I realized how much I’ve missed meditating and how enlightening and refreshing it feels. I read a couple articles on interpreting your dreams and raising your vibration and something clicked. I’m obsessed with learning more. I have cut out meat and alcohol in order to help cleanse my system of unhealthy toxins and I started meditating again. Maybe I’ll even get to the point where I don’t fall asleep in the middle except Erin says if you meditate before going to bed you will sleep better without the weight of the world on your mind. The last thing I remember was standing under a waterfall, the water spilling over my head washing away all the negativity of the day. Boy did I sleep gooood last night.  

I was also reminded to look for little signs from the universe. Last night for no reason what-so-ever our internet would not connect. Gen was frantic but after tinkering with it for a while I said, “Sis, the universe is trying to tell you to do something more constructive with your time tonight.” So she did. For the first time in a LONG time she spent time with her sister and then read a book. It was nice. 

Not everyone is open to this type of thing but if you are interested, curious, or simply desperate for some sort of release, her blog in listed in my favs.      

Both of the girls are playing in the Monster Bash tournament this weekend in Shawnee. Gentry played in it last year and loved it aside from the fact that her brilliant coach at the time made them all dress like Disney princesses. Not the ideal costume if you are trying to sike your opponent out. This year her team has chosen to be the Hummer Hippies and Syd’s team is going to be some sort of bird zombies.  This is a big weekend for Sydie because it’s her first tournament as a Phenix. 

I’m very pleased with the coaches the girls have right now. Both are very aggressive but yet genuinely seem to care about the players as individuals. Syd’s coach is a teacher and the first night of practice she handed out composition notebooks then assigned softball related homework each week. Thank goodness she has since backed off on that because the extra assignments were ticking Syd off royally.  

It’s not unusual for Gentry’s coach to set the girls up to scrimmage an older, more experienced team in order to push them to excel. Last night the girls played the KU softball club team. This team was comprised mostly of KU students who may or may not be on the KU softball team but still play competitive ball. Talk about intimidating. When we were walking up to the fields I said, “Whoa! Good thing you’re not playing those girls. They’re huge! What?? Ooopsy, turns out you ARE playing them. Ew. Well,… I’ll be over here. Good luck Sis!” (I do what I can).

Same Song, Different Morning

Every morning I drop Sydney off at the elementary school and then zip over and drop Gentry at the junior high. Every morning as I enter West's parking lot I cuss myself for not yet inventing rubber bumpers for the front of my car. If  I could 'bump' all the idiots who can't follow directions when dropping off their children, I know my school zone road rage would be cured. Hallelujah! Seriously people, how freaking hard is it to stay in the lane that is CLEARLY marked "Drop Off Lane" so as not to block the flow of traffic? For some it seems to be pretty challenging and I applaud them for just being able to find the door to leave the house every morning.

Good for you dumbass'!

One morning I was of course running close to being late for work when this woman had the audacity to park parallel to the car in front of me (who was in the drop off lane behind a bus) so that neither of us could pull ahead. She had single-handedly blocked two lanes of traffic and was in no hurry to move along. The truck in front of me had to honk at her TWICE and still she sat there. To further infuriate us, she honestly seemed to be doing it on purpose. Smiling and waving even! If the entire 8th grade class hadn't been standing outside the building I would have gotten out of my car and snatched her bald-headed! I'm pretty sure the dude in front of me would have gladly helped. Every morning it's the same scenario and since I know it's coming, I'm trying to replace my anger with sweet sarcasm.

"Ooooh dear Genny, another parent who can't read. I'm should donate a copy of Hooked on Phonics to the PTA so they can help all these poor illiterate parents."

"See me sweetheart? This is called the Drop.Off.Lane. Maybe you could try it sometime, ooookay?"

 Gentry is not phased by me and could honestly care less. She's just glad I'm not making her kiss me before she gets out of the car.

There Wasn't Even A Prayer

We attended an unusually casual wedding this weekend. If I had been wearing a beer slogan-ed t-shirt and jeans no one would have looked at me twice. But noooo, I had to go get all "fancy" and wear dress pants with heels, FFS. (That was sarcasm in case you wondered). The wedding was held at the couple's farm over-looking lake Perry. It was actually a beautiful setting once you got past the llama pen and all their ummm.., deposits. The party had apparently started the night before and a few of the guests were camping on the property. The first keg of beer was tapped around 2:00 pm and the wedding started at 4:00. I can honestly say this was the first wedding I've ever been to where you were allowed to drink during the ceremony.  Just when I think I've witnessed the cherry of redneckism.. it just keeps getting better. The entire service maybe lasted 7 minutes and went something like this;
"Do you?"
"Yep."
"Do you?"
"Uh huh."
"Okey dokey then. Kiss your bride and let's eat some pig!"

My Suggestion, Lot's of Calcium.

Finding a new hairdresser is hard enough but having to find one to suit a 13 year old is nearly impossible. We didn’t realize how good we had it in Clay. (We miss you Dani)! Gen has been planning this weekend for months ever since her dad told her he would be going to Clay for Piotique. She would finally have a chance to see her old friends and so she desperately wanted her hair cut. I got all three of us appointments at a new place near our house because we have not had good luck with the other couple of places we have tried. Gen only wanted her hair trimmed, and her bangs layered but left long. She even showed the lady a picture on her iPod which she simply glanced at before putting Gen in a chair. I don’t know if this woman was high, mentally challenged, or blind but she basically did the opposite of what Gen told her she wanted. Hell, maybe she was the freaking janitor! That would certainly explain her skill level because it looked horr-i-ble!

Syd’s hair turned out better however she was pissed because 1. Again, the woman didn’t cut it the way she wanted and 2. It didn’t look any different. I told her to consider herself lucky. 

When my turn came I said, “Uhhh… not only no but HELL NO!” and we got outta there. That’s when the tears started…, and kept going…., and going…., and continued until bedtime. Gentry ate dinner in her room, curled up under her blankets with a roll of toilet paper; her pretty little peepers sad and red. I knew exactly how she felt and I knew there was absolutely nothing I could say to make it better.  Most of us women have a long history of bad haircuts, perms, and coloring disasters.  Thank goodness the shit grows out! 

The next morning she discovered she could still pin it back so she was better, happy even and I sighed with relief. So even though they didn't get the results they were hoping for, both girls are off to reconnect with old buddies and I am missing them already. *sigh*  

More Like Grizzly, Less Like Teddy

Moms are a lot like bears; if you mess with their cubs expect to be attacked. Okay, maybe “attack” is a little strong but you can bet your ass that mama bears will do whatever they need to do to protect their cubs. This mama bear was tired of seeing my Sydie cub coming home from school frustrated because a couple of little boys in her class were bothering her. This was fast becoming an everyday occurrence so I felt the need to nip it in the bud.  Syd has always struggled in school and this year we were encouraged that with the meds maybe it would be easier for her. The school work has gotten better but these two little boys constantly insulting her was an unnecessary variable.  After a lengthy discussion at home about how all little boys are poop-heads (a term Gentry said I can’t use anymore), and how “we” must respect others, yada, yada, and so on, I contacted both her teacher and the school counselor. I informed them of the situation, what Syd would do to improve her behavior, and to see if a meeting was needed. However I made it clear the bottom line was: these boys had better stop bullying my child. That situation was quickly resolved by her teacher so we moved on to the next issue, the lunchroom. 

It seems utterly ridiculous to me that a child would dread lunchtime but mine did. Apparently the entire class got in trouble the second week of school and were assigned seats. Syd was seated right next to the two little poop-head boys with only one other girl at her table. To complicate things further, she didn’t want to talk to the little girl because she always talks about herself and brags about playing football and golf. Really Syd? Wth?  I advised her she needed was an ally and therefore she needed to make an effort with this girl. My advice to her was to listen and maybe ask a question about the sports she plays to show interest, or just reply with “that’s cool!” I told her it’s like being on a date; sometimes you could care less about what the other person is saying but out of politeness you nod your head, smile, and act like you are interested to make the other person feel good. I then told her, “Tomorrow I want you to go on a date with this little girl.” The look she shot me was clearly one of “Oh my gosh, my mom has finally lost it.” But then she smiled, laughed and she said she got it. 

We are still working through some issues but at least the poop-heads are out of the equation and I will not use that term again starting…… now.   

First of the volleyball pics

Syd had her first volleyball match on Sunday and her team, "Lime Time" took all three games.

I know she had the largest cheering section of any of the kids.

She scoring 5 points alone in the first game. In the car she announced "that was the most fun I've had since school started!" Watching volleyball still makes my wrists burn. I'm so glad she's tougher than her mom.

Meet Floppy

This was our house guest for a week, Evey or as the girls call her, Floppy. She was the squeaky little thing at the receiving end of Hazel's annoying hissing fits. Her daddy came and got her Sunday after paying her ransom of a dozen nut rolls. Yeees, another dozen! Don't judge me; I'm not the only person eating them!

The Lawrence Hummers had their second tournament this weekend. These girls have been practicing so hard twice a week for a couple months now. Their coach is polar opposite of the one we had last season, thank gawd but my attention span and exhausted mind won't allow me to elaborate on that tonight. The girls were suppose to play three games and we would have been done by 3pm if  Mother Nature had cooperated. Instead we spent the day cold and wet aside from a warm toasty picnic we had in the car while listening to a very frustrating football game. We also found other ways to entertain ourselves.

Presenting exhibit A:

Mom was passing through town and at my request left a dozen of these scrumptious little devils on my counter. There isn't another roll or doughnut in the world better than a Clay Center Tasty Pastry nut roll! The girls and I couldn't help stealing one as we ran out the door to softball practice. Great dinner, huh.

I just had to rub it in to my sister so I sent her this picture taunting her with, "Guess what I have..." Then I realized, "Oh crap! She's going to realize I'm not home and she's going to steal them!" so I offered to give her half. She better hurry though because OUR half is nearly gone and I could easily put a dent in her half.

Probably the biggest mistake Daniel ever made was making Kung Pao chicken for me. (And his tastes better than the restaurant stuff). Next to pizza, Kung Pao is one of my favorite foods and I ask him to make it all the time now. We both get to where we crave it and usually we make it once a week and have for months. The girls are at the point where they just screw up their faces and say, “Ugh, again?” A while back while eating noodles at a place on Mass St. call Zen Zero we got the bright idea to try making our Kung Pao yumminess with tofu instead of chicken.  I had never cooked with tofu so I Googled various recipes and gave it a go on Sunday. I cut it up and soaked it in the sauce then put it in the oven for 15 minutes. Sydney could not stop sneaking pieces off the cookie sheet; she loved it and I was shocked. 

So anyway, we were enjoying our new (healthier) version of amazing, mouthwatering tastiness when we discovered Hazel was missing. (No… we did NOT put her in the food). This week we are cat-sitting the girls’ dad’s cat, Evey and the two of them do not get along so we let Hazel outside to get some quiet time. She was last spotted lounging right outside on the patio in a chair but of course she wasn’t there so we started searching and calling. My neighbor was outside and he said he saw Hazel chasing a black cat and the two of them had nearly knocked him down in his yard.  We walked around the neighborhood calling for her and listening for her cry but no Hazel. We got in the truck and drove around but we only saw two red fox. I then got really worried because I know that they will kill a cat. When we showed up back at the house with no Hazel, Sydney burst into tears. All I could do was assure her Hazel would come home when she got hungry and I kept the fox sighting to myself. Needless to say she did not sleep well at all that night.   

Monday morning as I was filling my coffee mug I saw Evey at the patio door staring outside. On the other side was HAZEL! I immediately scooped her up and carried her into Sydney’s room to wake her. What a happy girl! As I left Sydney’s room I heard her scolding Hazel telling her she would no longer be allowed out in the yard.  We were all relieved she came home and didn’t end up as fox food or worse; in someone elses’ Kung Pao.