Week 3

We are now into week three of our summer workouts. Unfortunately it has gotten off to a slow start thanks to mother nature and her incessant need to make it rain every single day. Tonight we wondered if the weather would even give us the chance to get in our 25 needed nights. Last night we ran up campus to the Kansas Union and then ran down the parking garage, touched the wall and then ran back up to the top and back to Robinson field. The distance was only 2 miles total and we were done with our entire workout in 30 minutes. I'm starting to notice I have better control over my breathing and really only struggle when we have to go up one of the steep campus hills. This is a huge personal improvement and I am finally feeling like I won't be out of shape for much longer. Last Thursday both of the girls went to Dog Day's with us and it just happen to be one of our football stadium nights. As we were running forward and backward sprints my 12 year old looked at me, sweat running down her face and announced, "This is hard!" I agreed with her but it is worth it.

The rain is not only soaking the ground but it is seriously dampening my spirits. Tonight after work I drove around a bit; just really not in the mood to go straight to the house knowing we wouldn't be taking off for campus. Sometimes it just feels good to put the windows down and drive without any particular place in mind. I am always finding new places; shops, restaurants, coffee houses, etc. that I want to try so I make mental notes. Aside from some residential set backs, I'm finally starting to feel like I belong here. The weekends I stay here are so relaxing and even when I'm driving back on Sunday evenings I've noticed my mood changes significantly once I get past Topeka. I liked the idea of being in Lawrence but that calm, that peacefulness to me confirms that this is where I am suppose to be.

Last week I got a message checking my availability to be the "surprise" for one of my dearest friend's birthday. Birthday's are a huge deal to me so there was no way I was going to let her down plus, I was really in the mood for an adventurous weekend although close to home.

Saturday I arrived at the Marriott in the Power & Light District of KC about an hour before the birthday girl. She had no idea that I was just on the other side of that adjoining door so imagine her shock when she answered a knock at the door only to have me say, "I heard someone here was having a birthday." I was then surprised to see her burst into tears.. happy ones thank goodness!

We had reservations at the 801 Chop House just a few blocks from the hotel so us girls got dressed up and off we went for wine, dinner, more wine, then concluded with three extremely succulent desserts. The only thing truly worth mentioning about the entire meal was the sweet peanut butter sauce that I insisted had honey in it but who knows. The food didn't matter to me because the atmosphere and the company was amazing. We tried to convince her we were all going to the Waffle House for dinner but she never bought it. She knows her husband much too well.

After dinner it was back to the hotel to change once again and go for a drive to The Edge of Hell. We had tickets for the "Ghosts and Gangster's Tour" that departed from KC's famous haunted house that sits at exactly 666 feet above sea level earning it the name, "Edge of Hell." To find out more about what this tour entails, you can check out my newest blog Trippin'. 

All of these pictures were taken at night in pure blackness. It wasn't until we reviewed our pictures that we saw what we had captured. In almost all of these pictures there are white orbs floating around. These are not sunspots or street lights, they are spirits that are only visible with the help of a flash and they were everywhere

In this picture our undead tour guide convinced me to go up to the door of this church with a mini tape recorder and ask the ghost of Father Jardine if he would speak to me. Check out the large spirit orb and the two smaller ones back by the door. Oh, and in case you are wondering, the ghost apparently had nothing to say to me.

 Sauer Castle was my favorite stop. We couldn't get very close because it is guarded by three very vicious dogs but it sits in on a hill in the middle of an older neighborhood. The stories surrounding this one property are extensive. 

We had just listened to the storyteller talk about a distraught woman who upon thinking her lover was dead, promptly went to the top of this tower and hung herself. Some people have reported seeing the image of something swinging in that tower. The wind picked up and as we stood there staring at the house. Suddenly a strip of white curtain swung out of that top tower window and a group of us about wet ourselves!

 

Just so you know, that is not the moon in the upper right corner.

Stay tuned

I promised I would have tons to write about after last weekend and I really, really do. I had an incredibly good time with my bestie "T" and I can't wait to get that all in writing. The kicker is I have been totally consumed with getting my new blog fired up. This one is called "Trippin" and will focus more on local travel sites, interesting things to do and see, places to eat, etc. That's my idea and the influence and energy is so strong right now that I've basically put everything else on hold to take advantage of this opportunity. I have some interesting pictures from this last weekend that I will post here just as soon as I can so stay tuned.

The first week of workouts is finished and I survived. Whoo hoo! I have to admit having a couple of days "off" to let some muscles heal sounds like pure heaven. Even though it's a good pain, today my hamstrings were screaming with every step I took and my abs are so sore I don't dare cough. Man it sucks to get old!

Thursday we rushed through our workout of forward and backward sprints, lunges, shuffling, and laps at the football stadium to get to Blake's first night of Blast Ball. This is a program that teaches little tiny people the fundamentals of softball and gets them ready for T-ball. It was so cute! Blake and his bestie Vaughn are already very athletic for their age and I can totally see them playing baseball or even football when they get bigger.

The kids started out playing catch with a parent. Then the leaders had them hit a ball off the tee and run through first base. The fun part was when they stomped on first base, it would 'honk' at them! It was so cool except for the kids who didn't like the sound and couldn't swing the bat because they had their fingers in their ears. Not Blaker though; he couldn't get enough of it!

By the way, my nephew is a lefty and although his wind up looks extreme, he is very accurate with a ball.

Day One

A while back I decided I needed to find a sure fire way to get rid of this emotional funk I've been in once and for all. It's been four months since dad passed and I still can't talk or think about him without crying. I know that's normal to a certain extent but damnit, moping around isn't going to make me feel any better. Plus, it's just not my style. So one day it hit me: I am going to channel that pain into a more productive kind of pain that ultimately won't hurt anymore! I'm going to take all that emotion inside and use it to reach another goal. I'm going to make exercise my therapist. 

I started doing the P90X workout last month with my sister and bro-in-law. Today we started another regimen; Dog Days. Basically it's an exercise program open to the entire community. We meet at either 6am or 6pm four days a week, do 30 minutes or so of calisthenics then Coach tells us the route he wants us to run. You never really appreciate the steepness of the hills on the KU campus until you are out of shape and having to run them in 95 degree heat. Wow.  It's pretty cool though when you finally finish that run and at the end there are 200 plus total strangers cheering you on. Next week we are going to attempt to set the world record for the largest group workout.

Tonight was hard and as I was chugging up that first hill I thought, "what the hell was I thinking?" This is something I have always wanted to do to prove to myself and to a few other people that I can actually do it. It also isn't going to hurt the way I look in the smokin' bridesmaid's dress my friend picked out for her wedding this August. That's my secondary goal. *wink wink* Plus I have the wedding singer to compete with and that won't be easy!

We really need to break the habit of going for ice cream after we work out though. I wish I were kidding about that, but it is absolutely true. We had to chuckle when the girl behind the counter said, "Did you guys do Dog Days tonight?" I'm not sure what tipped her off; our beat red faces, the funk permeating from our clothes, or our sweat drenched hair maybe? No clue.

Anyway, day one is complete and if I can roll out of bed in the morning, then bring on day two.. and some Tylenol please.  

She possesses green cat like eyes
So playful and mischievious.
If you stare into them long enough
They will hypnotize you.

Her is mind is sharp as a tack.
Her tongue can be like a razor.
Don't try to fool her;
You don't stand a chance.

She is an old soul
Sometimes quiet and reflective.
She is a creative creature
Full of wonder and wit.

Oh curious child that I love so dear
Time seems to escape us.
Even though distance invades
You are never far from my heart.

I have been waiting all summer for tonight; the premier of "Sex in the City 2!" I hardly ever watched this show when it was on HBO but I got completely hooked watching reruns late at night. So, I dragged my sister to a  movie, on a work night, that did NOT have vampires OR werewolves in it! That feat alone is note worthy.

It felt really good to laugh tonight and escape the real world. I love the character "Carrie" and the bond she has with her friends. I wonder if that exists in real life? Or maybe it only does for certain people.

I have always preferred writing rather than speaking my words in person but somehow I've lost either the ability or the desire. A very important day in my life recently turned into an emotional roller coaster as I was bombarded with texts from someone I care about chewing me out because I made the mistake of telling them how I felt. The same thing happened exactly one week later only this time the person didn't believe my words were sincere.  I have lost my will to even try to adequately express myself. Someone once said, "It's okay to think it but not to say it (how you feel) out loud." Those words did so much damage and made me realize that person really didn't respect me. Maybe they never really knew me at all. It appears that might be contagious. I did not stifle who I was then and I can't promise I will now. What I can do is try to choose silence a little more often.

Muscle shirt day!

It isn't very often that I get to babysit my nephew and there have been some times when I've watched him that were not pretty. Times when he wanted no one except mom and dad. Now that we are together almost every day it's easier and I know now all I have to do is say, "Hey, let's walk to the park" and I'm golden. Tonight mom and dad went to dinner and a movie for their anniversary so we stayed home. We played at the park for a while then played football in the backyard.  We giggled about drinking chocolate dog milk, ran around the house chasing each other with fly swatters, and then wrapped up the night with ice cream and bedtime stories... because that is what aunts do best. He just turned four and his little mind amazes me while his personality tickles my funny bone. Before bed he laid out his clothes for "baby school" tomorrow complete with his basketball muscle shirt and yellow bucket hat Grandpa Larry gave him for his birthday. He has been waiting anxiously for weeks for the weather to be warm enough so he could wear his muscle shirts. He is a little pickle for sure and I am so glad my sister was blessed with such a mischievous devil of a little boy!  

I hear the comment "I'm so glad I have boys!" from a lot of my co-workers, friends, and my sister. Girls, especially pre-teen girls are such a joy when they are hormonal, crazy moody, high maintenance, and mouthy as hell. I only got to see one of my girls for a few hours this whole week and it made me painfully aware that she is getting to the age where she needs me less and less (unless I'm willing to break out the checkbook and take her shopping of course). My little girl still like to dish out the hugs and especially now, she hugs and doesn't want to let go. That breaks my heart and melts it all at the same time. Sunday morning she crawled in my bed and fell back asleep on my shoulder. For a moment she was my tiny girl again and I found myself fighting back tears. I know they are going to become more independent and I want them to be. Things are just weird right now. I have to remember to treasure the little moments and not to expect too much.

Sassy Girls

My girl's gave me a new Nikon for Mother's Day and I've been having fun playing with it. I think the kiddos have had fun cheesin' it up too.

 

I had to get these words and thoughts down before they evaporated and I use this blog as my outlet. This morning I realize just how dark they sound and I almost apologized for that. The fact is grief and mourning while natural and healthy is a slow, grueling process to endure. Anyone who is going through the same already acknowledges that and the way we feel is not something we should have to apologize for because it belongs solely to us.

At night when shadows fall
I’m haunted by your stare;
My eyes are tightly shut
I feel your presence there.

The dagger plunges deep again
This pain that does not cease;
At night I pray for it to wane
To give my mind some peace.

The January knife that stings my heart
Leaves a twinge of grief that’s fresh;
Release this sadness, take it back
Stop tearing at my flesh.

As days go by and months as well
I doubt if this will fade;
Till then I must endure the ache
That lurks upon death’s blade.

I woke up yesterday morning thinking about control and it has been heavy on my brain all week. When I say control I mean the power we allow others to have over us whether we know it or not. Maybe they unknowingly cause us to act a certain way or say things we normally wouldn't say. Often times it is in the way they speak to us or even through intimidation. Regardless of the method, it is frustrating to think someone has that kind of power over us... or thinks they do. I was preaching to my daughter last weekend about a problem she was having and as I said to her, "You have to stand up for yourself because no one else will", something clicked inside me. We should not walk through life letting others make us feel less than what we are. We have to take back our control and I'm working on taking mine back now.

When I announced I had accepted a position at KU one of the comments made was, "You can't go to Lawrence! Do you even own a pair of Birkenstocks? You'll never survive!" Well turns out I kinda got turned around last Friday and as I was sitting at a stoplight I looked up and starting chuckling when I saw this store. So of course I had to get a picture! Guess I will be okay now.. I found them!

The 11 B's took third place this past weekend in Abilene. The little medal was nice but what meant a whole heck of a lot more to me was the confidence and sheer determination I saw on my daughter's face every time she got up to bat. I kept my end of the deal by making sure I didn't say a word to her however she never said I couldn't have one of the other mom's yell in my place. *winky wink* There is ALWAYS a way around the system!

It turns out a triple makes her extremely happy! (and me too).

People Watching

No, I'm not stalking anyone (yet) but I have said before how I love to sit and watch people. Last night I went out with a friend for Cinco de Mayo. Actually we weren't celebrating the 5th of May but it was a good excuse to go out for dinner and drinks. As we walked up and down Mass Street we encountered the trifecta of people watching! Some of these characters were gender challenged and it wouldn't be until after they had passed that we would look at each other and say, "Was that a dude?!?" People watching here may just land me in therapy, I'm not sure. But regardless, it was cheap entertainment!

Day 1

Today I officially traded my "purple" office for a "blue" one. There is definitely a learning curve to be dealt with but overall it was a good day. I am now an official KU employee! Last night I went to watch my sister and Jon play softball. As I was sitting there an odd feeling consumed me. I had only been in town 30 minutes so I felt like when I come to visit. Where I would normally know or at least recognize 95% of those around me, now I know no one. Tonight while out watching another game it hit me.. I LIVE here now. This isn't just an extended visit, this is seriously my life now and I can choose to do what I want with this new beginning. I have to admit it feels really cool! The only draw back and I know it is temporary is I miss my little monkey girls. They are finishing out the school year and the softball season then they will be here permanently. So for now we are having to sacrifice and they are both being extremely brave. As I was hugging Gen good-bye yesterday I couldn't help but start to cry. She was being so strong for me and said, "Don't cry mom you're going to freak out Syd. " I couldn't help but laugh because I knew she was right.

Favorites things in Edwards Hall...

You will never see Edwards Hall on a KSU commemorative plaque however it did make it onto a paper plate one time. 

Sissy and Nita

My shower cap collection.

The dry erase mural Gig drew on my wall three years ago. I never had the heart to erase it so I just never used this board.