In approximately 1.75 hours I will officially be on vacation. Chatty and I have already gotten another full week of work-outs knocked out and we are just a little over halfway towards our goal of being done for the summer. Our immediate future involves a cabin on the river, four canoes, and a glass (or a bottle) of Bella Dolce atop a scenic cliff.  I will be curious to see if the girls can go five days computer-free without their heads spinning around. Yep, gonna instigate a little technology detoxing by forcing nature on them! Ahh… reminds me of my childhood.

As we drove through the Flint Hills to Hays last weekend I was reminded of the beauty of Western Kansas and I had to resist the urge to yell, "Pull over! I see a great picture!" On the way home Daniel was more than happy to humor me. I loved getting to see this monstrous wind farm up close. We were standing directly under one of the turbines and the powerful whoooooosh sound they made almost in harmony gave me chills; such a lonely haunting sound out in the middle of nowhere. I love the image of the old windmill with the new turbine in the background. I really wanted to get one up close but I was a little nervous about trespassing just for a picture.

 

It was only 64 degrees at 5:00am this morning. I had slept with the window open so cool air filled the room. I argued with myself as to whether or not to stay in bed and sleep for another hour and a half, knowing a 6:00pm workout would be pushing it, or to quit being a wussy and just do it!

This summer my sister and Blake go almost always to the morning workout. Blake is finally at that age where he is starting to have practices and games in the evenings. He still rides in the jogging stroller; usually accompanied by a blanket and snacks. He’s pretty grouchy until about mid-way through our cals when he starts laughing at us or chanting something random like, “Squish the beetle. Squish the beetle. Squish the beetle.“  If his dad comes he will usually run with him but not so much when he’s with mom. My sister loves the days when she has arms!

This morning while the men ran laps the women got into groups according to age and stood on the football field. We had to run 10 yards, do one push-up, run back 10 yards do two push-ups, etc., etc., until we were up to 10 push-ups. THEN we had to do the same thing doing bent knee sit-ups counting down from 15 to 5. Bon and I were in the same age group and we were keeping pace with each other… until the dreaded sit-ups. I’m drawing you this mental picture because what happened next will haunt me for a really long time not to mention that my sister won’t allow it to be forgotten I’m certain.

I had done the 15 sit-ups, ran back 10 yards and started to do 10 more when “it” happened. I can’t even type the word. There was noise of a rather substantial volume that escaped by body beyond my control and there was absolutely nowhere I could hide. I immediately looked at my sister and said “Dude!” But there was no passing the blame; she had already started to giggle and said, “Niiiiice.” (typical Bon response). Then everyone around us started giggling and I lost it. A good portion of our line had heard me fart! I should have owned it, jumped up and yelled, “Yeah that’s right biotches, I farted!” Except that I was utterly and completely mortified. I don’t even know how many sit-ups I did after that because all we could do was lay there on the field and laugh. Oh my gaaawd! I’m the old lady now who passes loud gas while working out! I’m seriously thinking I will switch up to the next age group because I’m sure that’s a common and acceptable occurrence with them. The other thing is that practically every woman there had a pony-tail so hopefully no one will remember what I look like. I really think this unfortunate “turd horn” (a Gentry phrase) was a signal from the universe that I should have slept that extra hour. Being stressed about getting a work out in tonight would have sucked but at least I’d still have my pride.

The Rest of the Story...

Okay, OKAY… apparently I have left some of my faithful followers (aka stalkers) in a lurch because it is now Tuesday and I haven’t elaborated on my weekend. I just got an email that said, “…. Really? Aw come on, update your blog already!” So, here goes. 

Friday evening we met some friends of Daniel’s downtown at Gella's Diner & Lb. Brewing Co. for dinner. The atmosphere and the raspberry wheat beer were both out of this world; so NOT what I expected. After dinner we discovered a walking art exhibit tour so we checked that out while taking in all the cool little shops downtown. On the balcony of one store front there was a live band playing. A little later after they finished playing they just hung out drinking wine watching all the spectators enjoying a windy western Kansas evening. It made me feel like I was back in Lawrence; so cool & trendy cause that’s how we roll here, don’cha know?  

We then decided we weren’t ready to leave so we went to The Brass Rail, a popular college bar that Daniel’s mom said SHE went to when SHE went to Fort Hays State back in the day. We discovered that the bar was full of friends and family members who were in town for his niece’s wedding and we had no idea they were even there.  We weren’t cool enough to close the place down so we let the others handle that part. From what I heard the next day, they did well.     

I earned by degree by attending several different schools in different places as we moved around but ultimately I earned my diploma from Fort Hays State. The kicker is I had never even set foot on their campus. All of my classes there were through their virtual college online. Daniel, his mom, and a good chunk of his close friends are Fort Hays State grads. So Saturday afternoon he gave me a personal tour of campus complete with pointing out all the places he lived including his first dorm where we scared the crap out of the other residents by setting off M-80’s as a freshman. I really wish I could say hearing that surprised me, but it didn’t. Not in the least! 

 

The wedding was nice and simple, the reception was even better with an open bar, dinner, and a cool band. Of course doesn’t it figure we have access to an open bar chalked full of bourbon and I elected to be the designated driver so we could get past the DUI checkpoint that was set up down the street. @#%#! . (I did have a couple whiskey sours but mostly I drank water).  

Daniel and I probably had the biggest test of our relationship this weekend. No, I’m certain we did! This weekend we were forced to endure the presence of his past and it made for a very awkward and less than perfect evening. No matter how jacked up our Saturday evening was... we survived and that's really all that matters.

I have a new found appreciation for the handicap rails in the bathroom stalls. I honestly never thought I’d turn 40 and two short months later be relying on them but here I am and boy howdy are they handy! After running what I approximated at 828 steps yesterday at Memorial Stadium, I found my legs flat refusing to work this morning. Not only did they refuse, they blatantly told me to “eff off!” and then continued rudely cursing at me as I hobbled downstairs to the kitchen for my coffee.

Well, today is my “Friday” for the week. The girls and I have a play day planned tomorrow at the lake and later in the afternoon Daniel and I are headed to Hays KS for his niece’s wedding. I can’t decide if I’m more nervous about meeting the rest of his family or at the prospect of walking like a tranny in three inch heels! Yeah, definitely have to go with the first one because I will probably be sitting most of the time and by Saturday I should be recovered. (I hope, I hope, I hope)! 

Today was day #6 working out, but only day #5 with Chatty. She had softball practice last night and that prevented her from going in the evening. After a couple late nights/early morning Sunday, Mommy was begging her to puh-leese let her skip the morning routine (just this once) and sleep a bit longer. She was seriously freaking out; “Mom! I won’t get my shirt!” but I assured her she could miss a few days and still be okay. When I told her she could always go on a Saturday she sighed with relief, calmed down and went to bed. This morning she was the one all ready to go and even came upstairs to wake me up after I subconsciously hit snooze and drifted back to sleepy-land. (I love that place). Chatty wasn’t so “chatty” after running the ramps at the stadium six times. In fact, today was the first time I’ve out-lasted HER! She claims it is because she had too many days in a row off and her body has to get use to it again. Pffft! Whatever, you are still 10! She also claims in her infinite wisdom that us working out is, and I quote; “Saving the environment.”

Huh?

She told me that when we work out we aren’t using our cars so we aren’t polluting the air thus saving the environment.

Um, okay. Soooo…. I guess we did our part today to preserve the planet even if it was only an hour effort. Never mind that because we did work out I drove two more times than I normally would have. Chatty didn’t think of that now did she?

Oh I’m not complaining. She’s is a tough little stinker and she’s keeping her mom motivated plus we are having a good time spending our mornings together. That makes all these sore muscles well worth it.

Being able to wear heels comfortably is over-rated anyway.   

The Summer Adventures of Me and Chatty

Syd and I got up at 5:00 am this morning to go work-out at Memorial Stadium. Today was day #3 for BOTH of us and she loves it. She was up before her alarm went off and even had her clothes laid out last night. Doing Dog Day's  with Sydie is a tad more exhausting for me because I have discovered she doesn’t stop chattering even when she is running.  I just nod and grunt because I am not at the point where I can carry on a lengthy conversation. Hell, I’m just trying to get air! That little over achiever even ran an extra lap and did an extra set of stairs. Ugh…. It’s so unfair everyone doesn’t have the energy of a 10 year old! And she is always so surprised when we are done.

“Okay, what do we do now?”

“We go home. We are done Sissy.”

“Aaaaw… already? That was quick!”

Are you kidding me child? I’m sorry; I’m motivated and I want this but 45 minutes to an hour of physical torture is my max. Running the clutch in my car is a scream worthy experience right now. It will get better. It will get easier. I’m just happy I have my little ‘Chatty Cathy’ to keep me company and that she is old enough to dial 911.

And so it begins...

I started dreading June 6th last week. Four o'clock yesterday my stomach was in knots as the minutes ticked by. Then it happened; it was 6:00pm and Daniel, Syd, and I were standing in the sweltering heat along with my sister, her family, and 200-300 strangers for our first summer work-out. Dog Day's 2011 had begun! Soon the sweat burning my eyes replaced the anxiety causing the knot in my stomach.  The heat was brutal but what a trooper Syd was and she even wants to go back! She wants that shirt BAD. Now if I can only convince Gen. 

This year there is a Has-Beens workout for people who want to earn a t-shirt but don't live here in Lawrence.
The registration and work-outs are all posted on the website, http://www.reddogsdogdays.org/Has-Beens-Overview.php .

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Chocolate and Corndogs

Our friend Patty got us tickets to this local concert back in February. At first I thought we had mistakenly fallen into Lilith Fair because the biggest demographic in attendance was unmistakably lesbian. They seemed to be there for the headlining act while we were there for the opening act; a group called the Crumpleton’s. Patty is a big groupie for the band so whenever they perform in town, she tries to get a bunch of us to go support them which we did this past weekend. They perform at a local bar called The Jazzhaus, a relatively small upstairs bar with headless naked female bodies cast in plaster all over the walls. Allegedly they were all local subjects. They have an element of creepy and erotic all wrapped up into one and they remind me of something from an episode of CSI.     

The Crumpleton’s play mainly 60’s and 70’s music. I was probably the youngest person there but maaaan, there were some old people gettin’ down with their bad selves! We observed all kinds of bizarre/entertaining behavior but especially so from one lady, approximately late 60’s and her date who were there with a small group celebrating her birthday. She brought in a pan of some sort of food that I thought was pretty odd. Who brings food to a bar? I watched them chow down on what appeared to be brownies and my mind went, “Hmmm….”  Not ten minutes later they were on the dance floor breaking out some moves that thoroughly convinced us that wasn’t just brownies in that pan. A friend of ours couldn’t stand it any longer so he went over to inquire. He said it was the best chocolate cake he had ever had but shortly after, developed a major case of the munchies.

Fast forward to our late night snack which, for me included a lentil bean, feta cheese burger with pickled green beans. Weird but not too shabby and no I didn’t eat any cake. Another friend of ours ordered a corndog that came out looking like it should have been the lead actor in a gay porn movie. Seriously, this thing was so phallic it would have put any man to shame and the poor guy certainly did NOT want to eat it in front of us. The comments of “It’s too big, how do I eat it?” and “Oh my god, it has a head on it!” were too much and none of us could eat because we were choking from laughter.

There is never a dull moment out on the town with this group. Little do they know I write about EVERYTHING and they have no idea how hard I fought the urge to take pictures.

“Uhh… yes, I’d like the corndog. To go, please.”

Tiny Diva

 Auntie Cj couldn't resist getting this cutie pie the loudest tutu she could find for her second birthday. Every girlie needs a frilly tutu to go to dance class in, am I right?

The musical guitar was more of a "present" for mom and dad. I wonder if they took the batteries out as soon as we were out of the driveway....

I told ya I have a garden!

 

For the first time in my life I actually have a garden that is in the ground. No containers on a patio or a hay bale. Whoo hoo! And thanks to all the rain I have only had to water two days and everything seems to be going crazy. I do need to replenish my rock supply that I throw at those damn ninja squirrels when they make the mistake of getting too close.

So this is my proof that the garden is for real; two kinds of  lettuce, spinach, cilantro, beans, squash, tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, cucumbers, sage, and some catnip for Hazel. Stay away from my delicate green babies you dirty ninja squirrels!!

Hefty Lefty's 1st T-ball pics

This week's agenda has been light and it has been just what I needed to catch up, get over these allergies, and just generally reboot. Gen took off to spend a week with her buddy's in Clay and Daniel is out of town for work so Syd and I have been bonding when she doesn't have a better offer. So far that has consisted of one night and we spent it going through her closet. It's definitely quiet with Gen gone and I can't say that I like it. It gives me a good idea of what our house will be like in just five short years. Her instructions before she left were she HAD to check in with me every day so I knew who she was with and where she was staying. No running around willy, nilly (yes, that is an official mama CJ term. Feel free to use it.) or else she would never we allowed to do this type of trip again. Yesterday when I hadn't heard from her by 4:30pm I sent her a message letting her know that since she had failed to text me, I had taken the liberty of enrolling her in summer chorale so that she could perfect her gansta rap skills. Not surprisingly I immediately received a response that was simply, "NOOOOOOO!"

This week was big for my nephew who had his first big boy T-ball game and tonight Syd has her first softball game. Other than that, the house is clean, the yard is mowed, laundry is caught up, and I may actually get to read again tonight.

"Come home Gen. I can't stand it!"