She possesses green cat like eyes
So playful and mischievious.
If you stare into them long enough
They will hypnotize you.

Her is mind is sharp as a tack.
Her tongue can be like a razor.
Don't try to fool her;
You don't stand a chance.

She is an old soul
Sometimes quiet and reflective.
She is a creative creature
Full of wonder and wit.

Oh curious child that I love so dear
Time seems to escape us.
Even though distance invades
You are never far from my heart.

I have been waiting all summer for tonight; the premier of "Sex in the City 2!" I hardly ever watched this show when it was on HBO but I got completely hooked watching reruns late at night. So, I dragged my sister to a  movie, on a work night, that did NOT have vampires OR werewolves in it! That feat alone is note worthy.

It felt really good to laugh tonight and escape the real world. I love the character "Carrie" and the bond she has with her friends. I wonder if that exists in real life? Or maybe it only does for certain people.

I have always preferred writing rather than speaking my words in person but somehow I've lost either the ability or the desire. A very important day in my life recently turned into an emotional roller coaster as I was bombarded with texts from someone I care about chewing me out because I made the mistake of telling them how I felt. The same thing happened exactly one week later only this time the person didn't believe my words were sincere.  I have lost my will to even try to adequately express myself. Someone once said, "It's okay to think it but not to say it (how you feel) out loud." Those words did so much damage and made me realize that person really didn't respect me. Maybe they never really knew me at all. It appears that might be contagious. I did not stifle who I was then and I can't promise I will now. What I can do is try to choose silence a little more often.

Muscle shirt day!

It isn't very often that I get to babysit my nephew and there have been some times when I've watched him that were not pretty. Times when he wanted no one except mom and dad. Now that we are together almost every day it's easier and I know now all I have to do is say, "Hey, let's walk to the park" and I'm golden. Tonight mom and dad went to dinner and a movie for their anniversary so we stayed home. We played at the park for a while then played football in the backyard.  We giggled about drinking chocolate dog milk, ran around the house chasing each other with fly swatters, and then wrapped up the night with ice cream and bedtime stories... because that is what aunts do best. He just turned four and his little mind amazes me while his personality tickles my funny bone. Before bed he laid out his clothes for "baby school" tomorrow complete with his basketball muscle shirt and yellow bucket hat Grandpa Larry gave him for his birthday. He has been waiting anxiously for weeks for the weather to be warm enough so he could wear his muscle shirts. He is a little pickle for sure and I am so glad my sister was blessed with such a mischievous devil of a little boy!  

I hear the comment "I'm so glad I have boys!" from a lot of my co-workers, friends, and my sister. Girls, especially pre-teen girls are such a joy when they are hormonal, crazy moody, high maintenance, and mouthy as hell. I only got to see one of my girls for a few hours this whole week and it made me painfully aware that she is getting to the age where she needs me less and less (unless I'm willing to break out the checkbook and take her shopping of course). My little girl still like to dish out the hugs and especially now, she hugs and doesn't want to let go. That breaks my heart and melts it all at the same time. Sunday morning she crawled in my bed and fell back asleep on my shoulder. For a moment she was my tiny girl again and I found myself fighting back tears. I know they are going to become more independent and I want them to be. Things are just weird right now. I have to remember to treasure the little moments and not to expect too much.

Sassy Girls

My girl's gave me a new Nikon for Mother's Day and I've been having fun playing with it. I think the kiddos have had fun cheesin' it up too.

 

I had to get these words and thoughts down before they evaporated and I use this blog as my outlet. This morning I realize just how dark they sound and I almost apologized for that. The fact is grief and mourning while natural and healthy is a slow, grueling process to endure. Anyone who is going through the same already acknowledges that and the way we feel is not something we should have to apologize for because it belongs solely to us.

At night when shadows fall
I’m haunted by your stare;
My eyes are tightly shut
I feel your presence there.

The dagger plunges deep again
This pain that does not cease;
At night I pray for it to wane
To give my mind some peace.

The January knife that stings my heart
Leaves a twinge of grief that’s fresh;
Release this sadness, take it back
Stop tearing at my flesh.

As days go by and months as well
I doubt if this will fade;
Till then I must endure the ache
That lurks upon death’s blade.

I woke up yesterday morning thinking about control and it has been heavy on my brain all week. When I say control I mean the power we allow others to have over us whether we know it or not. Maybe they unknowingly cause us to act a certain way or say things we normally wouldn't say. Often times it is in the way they speak to us or even through intimidation. Regardless of the method, it is frustrating to think someone has that kind of power over us... or thinks they do. I was preaching to my daughter last weekend about a problem she was having and as I said to her, "You have to stand up for yourself because no one else will", something clicked inside me. We should not walk through life letting others make us feel less than what we are. We have to take back our control and I'm working on taking mine back now.

When I announced I had accepted a position at KU one of the comments made was, "You can't go to Lawrence! Do you even own a pair of Birkenstocks? You'll never survive!" Well turns out I kinda got turned around last Friday and as I was sitting at a stoplight I looked up and starting chuckling when I saw this store. So of course I had to get a picture! Guess I will be okay now.. I found them!

The 11 B's took third place this past weekend in Abilene. The little medal was nice but what meant a whole heck of a lot more to me was the confidence and sheer determination I saw on my daughter's face every time she got up to bat. I kept my end of the deal by making sure I didn't say a word to her however she never said I couldn't have one of the other mom's yell in my place. *winky wink* There is ALWAYS a way around the system!

It turns out a triple makes her extremely happy! (and me too).

People Watching

No, I'm not stalking anyone (yet) but I have said before how I love to sit and watch people. Last night I went out with a friend for Cinco de Mayo. Actually we weren't celebrating the 5th of May but it was a good excuse to go out for dinner and drinks. As we walked up and down Mass Street we encountered the trifecta of people watching! Some of these characters were gender challenged and it wouldn't be until after they had passed that we would look at each other and say, "Was that a dude?!?" People watching here may just land me in therapy, I'm not sure. But regardless, it was cheap entertainment!

Day 1

Today I officially traded my "purple" office for a "blue" one. There is definitely a learning curve to be dealt with but overall it was a good day. I am now an official KU employee! Last night I went to watch my sister and Jon play softball. As I was sitting there an odd feeling consumed me. I had only been in town 30 minutes so I felt like when I come to visit. Where I would normally know or at least recognize 95% of those around me, now I know no one. Tonight while out watching another game it hit me.. I LIVE here now. This isn't just an extended visit, this is seriously my life now and I can choose to do what I want with this new beginning. I have to admit it feels really cool! The only draw back and I know it is temporary is I miss my little monkey girls. They are finishing out the school year and the softball season then they will be here permanently. So for now we are having to sacrifice and they are both being extremely brave. As I was hugging Gen good-bye yesterday I couldn't help but start to cry. She was being so strong for me and said, "Don't cry mom you're going to freak out Syd. " I couldn't help but laugh because I knew she was right.

Favorites things in Edwards Hall...

You will never see Edwards Hall on a KSU commemorative plaque however it did make it onto a paper plate one time. 

Sissy and Nita

My shower cap collection.

The dry erase mural Gig drew on my wall three years ago. I never had the heart to erase it so I just never used this board.