My sleep schedule must be the first thing to get back to "normal" because I'm starting to wake up between 3:22 and 3:45am again. This morning as I tried to shut my brain off I drifted back to where I was a week ago. All of my dad's sisters, my mom, my grandma and my sister were all congregated in my dad's hospital room. He was unresponsive but I'm sure he could hear us. Much like any other time we all get together, we were picking on each other and cracking jokes. It turns out that our uncle who we don't see very often thought the short sister (me) was also the youngest. Needless to say that went over with my younger sister like a turd in a punchbowl and I milked it the rest of the day! (And I may have mentioned it off and on since). We had some moments when we were all in tears laughing instead of tears of sadness... and it was nice.

My oldest daughter had a school dance that next night and I insisted that she go. The last dance I chaperoned so she was so incredibly happy at the thought that I wouldn't be at this one. So I decided to give her the good news Friday morning that instead of her mom going, her Aunt Bonnie would be there instead! She was pretty sure we were just playing but she wasn't sure. That night my brother-in-law drove the three of us to the middle school and the whole way my sister was giddy with excitement and even demonstrated some of the dance moves she was going to break out in front of all of Gen's friends. Jon stopped in front of the school and Bon jumped out, jumping up and down waiting for Gen to get out of the Jeep. It was at that point Gen saw her and looked at me with pleading eyes and said, "Seriously. She isn't going is she?" Bon grabbed her excitedly and said, "Just kidding. Have fun!" The look of relief on that kid's face was P R I C E L E S S!

We weren't even out of the parking lot yet and I told my sister. Someday when Gen is our age she is going to tell the story about the time her Aunt Bonnie made her think she was going to her school dance and how mortified she was! Ah, good times!

FRANKLIN RAY DODD died January 22, 2010 at Clay County Medical Center, Clay Center, KS at the age of 67. FRANKLIN RAY DODD was born on October 22, 1942 in Wichita Kansas, the son of Lawrence Dodd and Betty (Dankenbring) Dodd. 

Franklin was raised in the Fact Community and attended the Diamond Center School. He also lived in Detroit Kansas. He graduated from CCCHS in 1960. He married Barbara Dieffenbaugh on August 1, 1965 and she survives of the home. He worked for Hutchinson Manufacturing as a welder and farmed in the Clay County Community most of his life. He was a member of the Evangelical Covenant Church in Clay Center. He is preceded by his father, Lawrence and sister Debra.

Survivors include:

Wife: Barbara Dodd of Clay Center, KS

Daughter: Connie Jordan and husband Jamie of Clay Center, KS

Daughter: Bonnie Wohler and husband Jon of Lawrence, KS

Mother: Betty Jones of Clay Center, KS

Sister: Opal Clark of Staunton, IL

Sister: Sandra Moffatt of Osage City, KS

Sister: Cathy Britt and husband David of Patoka, IL

Sister: Sharon Dodd of Overland Park, KS

And three grandchildren: Gentry and Sydney Jordan, and Blake Wohler  

One of the most generous, understanding men I have ever known is my Dad. He has always been a big jokster and I can remember lots of pranks he pulled over the years, mostly on his sisters. Sometimes it was frustrating for me because I would want him to be serious and he would keep cracking jokes. That was part of his charm and why so many people loved him. He had a playful spirit that brought a smile to many.

Last night with my Sister, my Aunts and Grandma we reminisced and laughed at some of the crazy things my Dad did when he was younger. Once he stole his sister Opal's new bicycle. As he was going down a hill the handle bars came out and he ended up crashing it into a bridge. He also crashed his go-kart into his car when the steering wheel came undone. (Yes, we were sensing a theme). This was the accident that messed up his knee and later in life made it extremely hard for him to get around. Another time on a big family camping trip in Wakefield, my Dad along with my other uncles were in a boat that was suddenly caught by a cross-wind and capsized out in the middle of the lake. My Dad was a bit of dare-devil and I'm convinced he knew no fear up until he was diagnosed with cancer. He didn't fear for himself, he feared that he would not get to watch his grandchildren grow up.

My Dad's biggest joy was his three grandchildren. He lived for them and would do whatever he could to spend time with them. He never missed a school event or even one of their ballgames. I hope this is something they will always remember.

My Dad has not been able to walk on his own for nearly ten years. This morning he is walking with Jesus.

I love you Daddy...

Today started and ended on a sad note (except for the fact that KU beat Baylor, Rock Chalk!). For starters I helped celebrate the life of a wonderful classmate who was tragically taken from us much too soon. As soon as I got home from the cemetery I had a message that Dad was being transported from Salina to the Clay Center hospital. There is nothing else that can be done now and his organs are starting to fail. So we wait.

Tonight the four of us had some real good alone time in his room. Mom has finally accepted that he is not going to recover so we were able to talk about all the things nobody has wanted to mention. Dad was able to tell us what kind of final arrangements he wants so now there are no questions. We were all in tears but at the same time I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me.

He had several people from the church stop by which was really nice. They said prayers for him and read from the book of Psalms. More tears.. but it was all good. You could feel the love in the room and it was an incredibly peaceful feeling. 

All of our family and friends have been so wonderful and almost all have asked "What can I do to help?" Tonight a good friend gave me the biggest hug and asked that very question. I could only reply with, "You just did it."

Today's repetitive moral was, "Life is short so hug the neck of those you care about while you can."

Sometimes you don't need words

My Dad is awesome is so many ways. Even now I'm sure he is experiencing pain but he won't say he is. I think it's because he is trying so hard not to upset any of us. Today was a really hard day for my mom and me. I can only remember one other situation where I felt so completely alone while surrounded by people and that was 13years ago and 1,000 miles away. I know in my heart that my Dad doesn't have much time left. I want so desperately to tell him how much I love him and how badly I wish this wasn't happening to him, but I can't. I'm not strong enough to get those words out. Instead I lightly joke with him and give him quick pecks on the forehead as I leave and whisper, "I love ya Daddy" as if I'm eight years old again and I'm simply heading out for school. Tonight I got choked up telling one of my best friends about the "look" my Daddy gave me today. The doctor had uncovered him to listen to his lungs and while he was talking I could see that Dad was shivering. I quietly walked over and just simply tucked him back in without saying a word and went back to my chair. As I looked up I saw his eyes and a look that I will never, ever forget because it was so powerful. This frail mountain of a man was thanking me so I forced a small smile to acknowledge and then tried my best not to burst into tears. His eyes were full of gratitude, love, and I'm sorry all at the same time.

Sometimes the words won't come no matter how much you want them to. It sure doesn't hurt to pray for strength and have faith that you will be strong enough to eventually get them out while you have time. But other times don't sweat it because sometimes you don't need words.

Today is the first solar eclipse of 2010. I have been anticipating today all month for a variety of reasons that are not important. What is important is recognizing and trusting the new beginnings signified by events such as this eclipse and the emergence of a new moon.

The literal and figurative seeds we plant, projects we begin, contacts we make, and intentions we set between the eclipse and the next Full Moon (about 2 weeks), will take on lasting significance 6 months down the road. I am so excited for this new moon and at the opportunities that have already presented themselves just in the first hour of being at work today! For the first time in a long time wheels are moving and not just spinning. 

 

Please don't waste your new moon.

We were lucky enough to be able to bring Dad home this week. It wasn't a smooth process but what else is new. We knew he was going to need to have a hospital room type of situation at the house so we had to get all of that in place before he got home. By noon I was calling my sister venting and basically pleading with her to come up early... which she did. Unfortunately my oldest heard a few words that day she could have done without but rather than scold me for cursing (like she usually does).. she was full of empathy and hugs for her over-whelmed mama. That kid has always been a sound, logical, level-headed voice of reason and this day was no different. Sometimes she amazes me with her maturity and I am so blessed that she mysteriously acquired those qualities.

Dad's future treatment is going to be lower doses of chemo and lots of prayer. His biggest obstacle is that he does not want to drink as much as he needs to. Unfortunately that is something only he can control and as his family we can only nag him so much.

Christmas Morning 2009

This year we enjoyed a nice, quiet Christmas morning. The girls were happy that Santa brought them what they wanted and soon we were need deep in paper! (Which I quickly gathered up to be recycled because according to my kids I am the "recycling nazi.")