Sometimes you don't need words

My Dad is awesome is so many ways. Even now I'm sure he is experiencing pain but he won't say he is. I think it's because he is trying so hard not to upset any of us. Today was a really hard day for my mom and me. I can only remember one other situation where I felt so completely alone while surrounded by people and that was 13years ago and 1,000 miles away. I know in my heart that my Dad doesn't have much time left. I want so desperately to tell him how much I love him and how badly I wish this wasn't happening to him, but I can't. I'm not strong enough to get those words out. Instead I lightly joke with him and give him quick pecks on the forehead as I leave and whisper, "I love ya Daddy" as if I'm eight years old again and I'm simply heading out for school. Tonight I got choked up telling one of my best friends about the "look" my Daddy gave me today. The doctor had uncovered him to listen to his lungs and while he was talking I could see that Dad was shivering. I quietly walked over and just simply tucked him back in without saying a word and went back to my chair. As I looked up I saw his eyes and a look that I will never, ever forget because it was so powerful. This frail mountain of a man was thanking me so I forced a small smile to acknowledge and then tried my best not to burst into tears. His eyes were full of gratitude, love, and I'm sorry all at the same time.

Sometimes the words won't come no matter how much you want them to. It sure doesn't hurt to pray for strength and have faith that you will be strong enough to eventually get them out while you have time. But other times don't sweat it because sometimes you don't need words.