Vacation Post III

We spent one afternoon out on the lake boating, swimming, tubing, and doing flips off the side. The hundred plus degree heat was still very noticeable but the water made it bearable.

Cheeser

Syd took a turn driving. *AGH!*

Vacation Part II

While my sister was at White Water with the younger kids, we opted for something a little more low key with mom. The two hour train ride was comfortable in nicely restored cars and big band tunes were piped in to add ambiance. I was really hoping they throw in "Crazy Train" just to spice things up.

a

Somewhere in Arkansas

"Pay attention to me!"

Trouble. Plain & simple.

A redneck vacation isn't complete until someone gets a tattoo.... even if it's airbrushed.

Vacation Part I

My mom's birthday is today so as a surprise, last week my sister and I made arrangements to take her to Branson for a birthday getaway. We found the ideal spot situated on 40 acres of forest perched in the hills above Table Rock Lake just minutes away from the marina and just far enough from the bustle of town.

 

It wasn't until we got home Sunday afternoon that we realized we hadn't even turned on a TV in nearly a week and hadn't miss it at all. What a great feeling!

Mom relaxing on the deck.

From the moment we walked through the front door all of our stress melted away.

No, this isn't the "hot tub."

Every window housed a glowing candle.

The kids found a cabinet stocked with board games...

and the owners had a treasure map hidden in the cabin leading to this treasure box.

My big bad ballplayer turned 11yrs old yesterday and today is taking part in day one of the USSSA Fastpitch World Series. I have no idea when this young lady replaced my baby but regardless...., I think she's pretty cool.

Love you Syd! Happy Birthday!

Just Life...

Things at work have been very weird lately. Good, but odd. Odd in that my manager AND my only co-worker both gave their notice and have transferred to a different department on campus. This is due in part to KU’s new Changing for Excellence program and their decision to create centralized business centers rather than have departments handle certain human resource and financial activities. It does make one a tad bit paranoid when everyone jumps ship at once but I know them leaving had no reflection on me. This change is good, in that I am starting a new position within my current department that will provide me with a clear path for advancement starting as a Grants Specialist. This is a transition that was put into the works last fall and is just now coming to fruition. It’s amazing what can happen when you take the initiative to offer a better solution. Of course, it helps to have management that listens as well. 

Friday I was given the opportunity to take the afternoon off so Gentry happily agreed to go with me to shop for a swimsuit. We are leaving on vacation in two weeks and now that I’ve lost a few pounds I felt I was mentally ready to go the store. Luckily the first one I looked at and tried on fit perfectly and met her approval. Easy peasy! Although it was 101 degrees outside, I left Gen no choice but to walk up Mass St. and go into some more stores. Very rarely do I get the chance to shop downtown during the week so I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. This kid did not appreciate the concept of window shopping. “What’s the point of window shopping if you don’t plan on buying anything?”  Well I did end up buying some stuff and she actually apologized on the way home for being so obstinate. 

This weekend I finally got my new Galaxy III phone. Two year contracts are the devil and I could NOT wait to get rid of my ancient Blackberry. This phone will do everything except cook your dinner and I’m not even sure it won’t! I bet there is an app for that and I just haven’t found it yet. It has an app identical to Siri on the iPhone so Sydney spent considerable time asking it random questions like, “What is the meaning of life? Do you love me?” and “Why are you so stupid?” Then she would ask it to send random texts to her sister telling her why SHE is not mom’s favorite. Priceless.  

Although it may seem like a small thing, I was finally able to ditch my old phone number which to me signifies closure to a life that is no more. Since I moved, every aspect of my life has changed. Maybe this small thing will help me to let go of the hurt and the anger that consumes me whenever I think about where I was two years ago, once and for all.  At the least, I took back some element of control. 

Four weeks ago I sent a grumbly girl to her introduction to vocal training. She came home the first day complaining about having to take tests, and learn notes, and pitch… blah, blah, blah. By the end of that first week her tune (no pun intended) had changed dramatically. She was actually enjoying it! She worked on her flash cards and put a binder together with all her papers. She actually showed genuine interest in something and I bit my tongue to keep from saying, “I told you so.”

From the time Syd was three she has serenaded whomever would listen with concerts. She would prepare in her room then come downstairs decked out in pink plastic heels, a pink feathery boa, and a pink guitar ready to perform her latest creation. These songs had a tendency to run on and on. She would pause, we would clap (thinking it was over) and then she would start another verse. It was not unusual to hear a ten minute song about a hairbrush. My dad especially got a kick out her songs and would encourage her to keep singing.

Wednesday evening her singing group held a recital showcasing what they had learned this month.  The little blond girl that I watched singing wasn’t nervous at all. In fact, she absolutely glowed as she sang her heart out. She’s no longer that little pixie decked out in pink singing about her hairbrush.  I have never doubted this child craves the limelight and I’m anxious to see what she does with this gift. Hopefully this was just the beginning.   

Sittin' Pretty

Hazel enjoying her morning in the yard.

Everyone has their breaking point and I reached mine Friday night while sitting at Gentry’s softball game. Everything just kind of bubbled up and then spilled over and by the time I was driving home at midnight I had completely melted down.  Being a single mom with a house to maintain is hard enough but when you have your weekends consumed with out of town ball games, it makes it completely  impossible to keep on top of simple things like mowing or weeding the garden.  I felt like I had no choice but to fight the guilt I felt by not being at their games Saturday and Sunday and stay home to conquer a long to-do list. I kept telling myself I’d be a better mommy come Sunday night when they got home if I wasn’t all stressed and crazy.  I have to admit; I feel pretty good today. 

Saturday alone I was able to get my kitchen cabinets finished, we installed a couple new light switches, sanded and painted a night stand, used my new edger on the lawn, sprayed for weeds, and put some large pieces of flat rock around the garden.  The next thing I knew it was 7pm and I looked like I had taken a shower fully dressed. Gross! Daniel decided that we had earned a night out and I sure didn’t argue with him. This weekend held a greater significance in that it was a milestone for us so even though we had worked our asses off all day, we still were going to celebrate. We got dressed up and decided to start with margaritas on the patio at Celito Lindo then walked up and down Mass Street trying to decide where to grab a bite. We stopped at 715 but the menu left a little to be desired since I don’t eat lamb or rabbit so we just had drinks and soaked up the candle lit ambiance of the room. We really wanted to eat at Zen Zero (my new favorite place) but for some reason we couldn’t find it so we popped in for a Minsky’s pizza instead. Later we discovered we had walked by Zen Zero not once, but twice. Wow, those were some goooood margaritas! 

So Sunday with laundry hanging out to dry, the  house vacuumed, and groceries stocked for the week, the only thing left to do was to make homemade ice cream for when the girls got home. (Peanut butter and chocolate rabbit ice cream to be exact). We also made our first batch of gazpacho for the summer with fresh veggies from the farmer’s market.  

The girls came home in good moods which told me they probably needed a break from me as well. It was nice.  No one had anxiety about anything. We were just three girls (and a boy) completely worn out physically enjoying some PB&R ice cream. Aaaaah yeeeeah……

Twenty-Seven Hours Later...

This past weekend we were in Topeka at the Ken Berry Sport Complex for a grand total of 27 hours. Yes, I'm very serious. Syd's team lost their first game Friday night immediately dropping them into the 'loser's bracket' and they spent the next two days fighting their way out. One of our coaches also got thrown out Friday night after an altercation with the home plate umpire in over-time. One of the mother's on our team later promised to beat his arse when he told her to "Go the "F" back to Lawrence where you are used to winning!" Needless to say he messed with the wrong mommy and was issued a restraining order of sorts from our team indefinitely. Talk about drama!

Sunday in 97 degree heat they started playing at 9:30am and played their seventh game around 6pm that night, all back-to-back with 20 minutes at the most in between for light food and potty breaks.

The trophy was taller than a couple of our players!

 Hot, tired, dirty, and a little ragged these little girls never gave up, never showed an ounce of quit and were determined to take home the state championship, and.... they sure did!

Congratulation Phenix girls!

Juggling in June

My week of peace and quiet quickly came to a halt Sunday night and I couldn’t have been happier. The kids had gone to the beach for a week with their dad and uncle to do some snorkeling, beach-combing, and eat some good ol’ Gulf seafood. Sydney warned me before she got home that she had brought back a friend, a good sized hermit crab named Hermie. Hermie is now living large in the old gecko aquarium busily burrowing in the sand or relaxing in his tiki hut but he seldom lounges by his tiny plastic pool.

First thing Monday Gentry started driver’s education at the High School while Sydney headed to the Middle School. I, with her consent (even though she forgot that part) signed her up for a singing program that is essentially voice lessons to prepare the kids for Chorale auditions in August.  She wasn’t overly excited about the first day which consisted of learning scales and practicing pitch along with the fact that 98% of the class was older. Gentry and I renamed her “Negative Nelly” so while talking to Nelly about the class over dinner she soon lightened up and then began drawing goofy vampire pictures of how she looks when she sings. There’s something different about that kid. We had a long conversation about being our own person and not letting our friends influence what activities we do.  

I got onto both girls last night about their negativity. Surely every day in the life of a preteen and a teenager doesn’t suck, or does it?  I don’t remember.  Gen doesn’t like driver’s ed and says she can learn all she needs to know by watching us drive. (And probably learn some new words in the process).  Both programs last the month of June along with multiple nights and weekends of softball, and Dog Day’s started this week as well.  I’m going to try hard to be a good example by being a “Positive Polly” and therefore NOT complaining about the schedule, or the lack of free time on weekends, or even how my muscles hurt so bad I’m not able to bend at the knees.  Nope, all I see are rainbows and unicorns....

Friday night we were invited to visit some friends at their campsite at Pomona Lake. It was cool enough we needed a jacket but the water was calm, we had a roaring fire, and the sunset was gorgeous.

Day Trip

Listing a home for sale is a major undertaking. Maintaining a nearly 4500 sq ft  home that really isn't being lived in requires an even greater effort. Daniel has one party who decided to come look at his house for a third time so we wanted to be sure everything was in tip-top shape in the hopes that they FINALLY shoot him an offer. What we thought would be a couple hours vacuuming and dusting turned into almost four but the house looked awesome when we left.

Since Daniel's father passed he has come to realize that we can't spend all our time working or feeling guilty that we aren't working on something. With this renewed attitude we headed to Weston Missouri to goof off the rest of the day.

Weston is a small town with a ton of history. Most of the shops and homes downtown had 1800's markers on them and the architecture was amazing.

The town was full of B&B's and I was promised that next time we would stay over even though Weston is only an hour from home.

We made a bee-line for Pirtle Winery. There are several wineries in the area but Pirtle was in the heart of town. The main building was a converted church.

Visitors can go inside and taste their wines, buy a bottle (or in our case, two), a cigar if you wish, and then head outside to their covered lush garden to enjoy the peacefulness and grape vines. 

While Daniel was inside buying a cigar, a man standing beside him struck up a conversation. Turns out his name is Dan and he, his girlfriend, and her mother were visiting some of the local wineries that day as well. The two Dan's hit it off and after chatting with the three of them in the garden, they invited us to join them for dinner at the Brewery across the street and then we all went to O'Malley's Pub after that for a drink. Normally I would not be a fan of spending my evening with strangers but they were so incredibly nice it was almost like we had known them for years and were just catching up. All five of us were divorcees with children so we had common stories. The mother was having an exceptionally hard time and I got the impression that she really needed an ear.

The Irish Pub next door was the strangest place I've ever seen. It was a three story building...., all underground. No kidding! You walk in and immediately start walking down. The inside was almost cave-like with cool rock walls and wooden floors. There were two rooms to choose from both offering live Irish music and a plethora of Irish Ales. The lighting was so dark, that this picture was the best I could get of one of the tunnels. We heard stories that this was once used as a hide-out during prohibition. Several workers were killed during the build back in 1842 and people have reported seeing and being touched by apparitions. "Check please!"

We were able to walk around downtown a bit before dinner but by this time all the shops had been closed for quite some time. I wasn't the only one who was disappointed....

We were one hour from home but this little town felt like a different place in time. I wasn't ready to leave and I can't wait to go back! (Perhaps when I don't look so puffy).

After moping around all night Thursday and Friday morning I made the decision to bite the bullet and  drive out to Western Kansas to be with Daniel for both his niece's wedding and his father's funeral. Saturday morning, after making all the arrangements to get the girls to their separate softball tournaments I took off. He had no idea I was driving the four hours out there and I had to keep in touch with him via text to know where he would be. As I pulled up in front of his sister's house I called his cell but told him I couldn't hear him very well and would he mind stepping outside. His jaw dropped when he saw me standing in the driveway. The look on his face was well worth the long ass drive.

The wedding Saturday night was very nice. The open bar at the reception was even nicer and we took full advantage of it as did many of the other guests. We drank, we ate, we danced, and then we drank some more. There were the occasional tears whenever someone would verbalize how much Norm would have loved the party and when the band played his song, Elvira, we all danced  and sang in his honor. I have no doubt he was there dancing with us.

The next couple of days had a different tone as his family prepared for the funeral. Daniel wrote what looked to be about five pages about his father in a journal that he wanted read at the service. These pages only began to scratch the surface of the stories that surround this man and his legacy and Daniel was still jotting down notes as we stood in the church parking lot. He had so many nicknames that went as far back as his high school football days that the family was trying to figure out who might know how he got them.  Many knew him as "Diz" and there was one theory that he got his bell rung so many times playing football that someone thought he wandered over to the wrong huddle one time and thus the name. However, that could not be confirmed. 

The service was the biggest the little town of Stuttgart had ever experienced. As people poured in to pay tribute to their friend the funeral director had to get creative on where to seat all of them. Many were in the balcony sitting with the choir. Everyone enjoyed the stories Daniel had written and the sound of laughter resonated through the church walls.

I've posted pictures before of Norman's blacksmith shop but this building is so beautiful I couldn't help snapping another one. It just happens to sit next to the church.

This is Stuttgart Oil, Norman's garage that he took over from his father back in 1955. This is where he worked 10 hour days up until the past few months when his health wouldn't allow it any longer. This is also where locals would congregate at the end of the work day for something cold to drink and some good conversation. They always got both.

May 17, 2012

All week Daniel and I have been looking forward to a long weekend in Western Kansas. Looking forward with apprehension at the prospect that his father may not be able to enjoy the festivities. Daniel's niece is getting married on Saturday and there is a lot of family traveling there to help her celebrate. We were supposed to be among them but tonight I'm home alone and feeling lost that I'm not on my way as well. Earlier today Daniel learned that his father had suddenly passed away.

Since last Fall Daniel's father, Norm has progressively had heart issues. For a man who  worked everyday of his life, suddenly he was not able to work in his garage and B.S. with customers; most certainly two of the things he enjoyed most aside from his family. I didn't know Norm overly well but from the minute I first met him I knew two things;One, he was a character and two, he had a big heart. He seemed so familiar to me and I remember writing about how there was something about him that reminded me of my dad. Perhaps it was just the overalls but Norm was the type of person who made you feel welcome right off. Our first meeting consisted of drinking whiskey in the kitchen and listening to everyone swap funny stories about the family. After that, he would ask how I was doing and have Daniel be sure to tell me 'hello.' Once he even told me how happy he was that I was with seeing his boy and that he loved me like part of the family. He was one of the most sincere men I've ever met and the apple doesn't fall far from that tree. He was loved by so many people and he will be sadly missed. Tonight several of the garage regulars held a vigil of sorts outside Norm's garage, drinking beer and shedding tears as they swapped stories of this Stuttgart icon and his unselfish generosity. 

It kills me not to be able to say 'good-bye' in person. He was so good to me though he hardly knew me. That's just the kind of person he was and he will always hold a special place in my heart.  

Long Lost Pics of Downtown STL

I remember in kindergarten this short, stocky little boy use to terrify me by chasing me around the playground trying to kiss me on the cheek. I HATED recess for that very reason and I was so relieved when another girl caught his attention so I could slip back into the background.

I've enjoyed blending in my whole life. I don't say that as a 'poor pitiful me' thing, I'm sincere. I don't like attention, never have and unless I have some sort of traumatic brain injury, that's not ever going to change. Let me be clear on one thing however; being forgotten is not the same as not wanting to draw attention. It always sucks to know someone you care about doesn't think of you any longer but I digress.

Meeting Daniel was purely by chance. I was shocked at how easily I gravitated to him and vice versa. For a change I had to figure out how to get this guy's attention, something I am not good at doing and talk about an awkward process. I knew if I really wanted to meet him I couldn't let myself just fade into the crowd.  I had to get out of my comfort zone and take a chance. It was well worth the risk.

It's awkward to profess your admiration for someone especially when you don't know them very well. In a million years I would never have expected to have a 'secret admirer.' In my head that is freaking hilarious! I have never easily accepted compliments. A part of me doesn't feel worthy of the words so I tend to treat certain people cooly. Often times I feel like I want to show emotion, but it simply doesn't happen so I do nothing. I wonder if this is a trait we acquire as we get older or perhaps it is from years of getting our feelings trampled.

This week I was the one doing the trampling. It was not intentional but there was nothing I could say so I pulled the usual and said nothing. I'm very content and happy with where I am and I have fought hard to get here. I did not solicit this person's attention and this little incident will quickly pass I'm sure.

I sure wish someone would tell me at what age a person outgrows the incessant need to be a complete drama queen, or in the case of last Friday, a drama KING. A distant friend of mine that I’ve had for the past few years told me, “It’s better for you if we aren’t friends anymore.”  Uuuuh, ooookay…., what are we, twelve??  Then I was told that “someone” had contacted him to say they didn’t think our banter on Facebook which primarily consisted of trying to out due the other with insults, was appropriate and in a nutshell he should leave me alone. Since he refused to give me a name AND this alleged person was NOT my Daniel, (the only person who has the right to make such a request but is much too classy for that type of childish behavior), I conceded that this dude was making the whole thing up simply to get my attention. Guess that backfired because I told him to have a nice life and hit ‘delete.’ 

I started off the week with 14 year old drama and ended the week with a 40 year old acting like he’s 14. The latest saying at our house right now is, “Ain’t nobody got time for that” and that is exactly why I dismissed the whole incident. My only regret is I wish we hadn’t given him the power of ruining 90% of our evening; the first real date we’ve had in months. I demand a do-over! 

The remainder of our weekend was spent mowing and cleaning out the garage. The house has officially been on the market a few weeks and this is where we spend most of our free time. I think we take turns feeling over-whelmed but we have made good progress. Now to find the perfect buyer for this huge house. 

Sunday we drove two hours to take my mom to lunch for Mother's Day then promptly drove back home. It was a quick trip but I know mom appreciated it. My Mother’s Day was complete with a crape myrtle for my front yard, (which Daniel planted for me) an awesome card from the girls, and a gift certificate to Charming Charlie.  I even got my yard mowed for me. That alone was present enough (but I didn’t tell them that).

As a parent my first instinct is to protect my kids from physical and emotional harm. So when my kid is beside herself because one of her friends back home attempted to end her life because some other kids told her to, I immediately get defensive. My first thought is to call the mother of the bully girl but what the hell would I say to her that wouldn’t warrant an immediate hang up? Teenage drama is brutal and I’m convinced in part it stems from kids not having enough positive things to do coupled with absent or just absent-minded parents. 

My second thought is how can I remove this child from a bad situation? Let her come here to live with us? It appears that her mother is not an active player in her life and she is basically being raised by her grandmother. Turns out Gen has already offered our home to her. Taking in strays is undoubtedly something she acquired from me. Ever since high school I have a long history of taking in people who need “fixing.” (By the way, not one time has that turned out to be a good thing). I had to tell her that we could arrange a short stay this summer but it would not be a “live with us” situation. That just isn’t a good idea. 

The third thought is what if this is all a rouse for attention?  What if she is simply playing Gen and we go off like storm troopers defending her? That’s not likely to end well either. 

When we moved here I worried that my girls would get caught up in drama x 2. Them being new I braced myself for a couple years of them being outcasts until they found their groove.  Not the case, in fact the exact opposite. I’m not saying it’s been all unicorns and rainbows but it’s been pretty good overall. As I was filled with anguish and anger Saturday night at the despair this little girl was expressing it made me even more convinced I did the right thing moving away. Once upon a time I was convinced raising my kids in a small town was ideal but that thought was quickly extinguished by gossipy hypocrites and the holier than thou's whose over-privileged brats need a stern come to Jesus meeting. Perhaps that speech should start with, “Don’t you EVER let me hear or hear that you said THIS to another human being, EVER!” 

Kids get away with shit because we let them. If my kid was responsible for another child hurting him/herself I would never forgive myself. On the flip side if I ignored a child’s cried for help whether they were an attention rouse or not, I would never forgive myself. 

Thank you God that my child possesses a good heart filled with compassion. Maybe she saved a life this week.