Phone Home or Something

I have a confession. For months now I’ve had an E.T. living in my house. I know…, it’s shocking to admit. To see it you would think it is pretty cute but that is a facade and what makes it dangerous! It can be social when it wants to be but you can’t force it. I have to remember not to make direct eye contact or try to engage it in conversation; it will shut down quickly and run back to its room. If you do get it to stick around and talk, don’t ask about its boyfriend or anything seemingly personal. This WILL surely anger the beast. It also likes to repeat the phrase, “I don’t want to be around people!”  I’m thinking if this alien life form doesn’t like people so much, why does it enjoy shopping and going out to eat? It must be ‘certain’ people it doesn’t enjoy. 

This mysterious creature also has a finicky palate. It prefers a diet of potato chips, Starbucks, DQ Blizzards, and pizza rolls. If you try to feed it something else, something you deem healthy, it will sneak around at night and rifle through the cupboards. Oh, this alien also seems to also have an aversion to reusing the same drinking glass more than one time, putting its dirty dishes anywhere other than the sink, or even doing laundry. It is a rather filthy animal at times and I have wondered if it should live outside instead. It hides upstairs in its den with the door shut. If you knock, it may let you in but be cautious not to overstay your welcome as it will tell you it’s angry and ask you to leave. It really is a rather rude creature. 

With all of these flaws you may wonder why I don’t call someone to have it removed. Well, the thought has crossed my mind. I hear there are places where you can send these ‘things’ and in a few years when you get them back they are much tamer, sometimes even polite. Wow… I wonder what that would be like? 

No, for now I’m trying to convince my personal E.T. that I’m not the enemy. Hopefully someday it will leave…. but come back a kinder, gentler version of its former self.