Today is the first solar eclipse of 2010. I have been anticipating today all month for a variety of reasons that are not important. What is important is recognizing and trusting the new beginnings signified by events such as this eclipse and the emergence of a new moon.

The literal and figurative seeds we plant, projects we begin, contacts we make, and intentions we set between the eclipse and the next Full Moon (about 2 weeks), will take on lasting significance 6 months down the road. I am so excited for this new moon and at the opportunities that have already presented themselves just in the first hour of being at work today! For the first time in a long time wheels are moving and not just spinning. 

 

Please don't waste your new moon.

We were lucky enough to be able to bring Dad home this week. It wasn't a smooth process but what else is new. We knew he was going to need to have a hospital room type of situation at the house so we had to get all of that in place before he got home. By noon I was calling my sister venting and basically pleading with her to come up early... which she did. Unfortunately my oldest heard a few words that day she could have done without but rather than scold me for cursing (like she usually does).. she was full of empathy and hugs for her over-whelmed mama. That kid has always been a sound, logical, level-headed voice of reason and this day was no different. Sometimes she amazes me with her maturity and I am so blessed that she mysteriously acquired those qualities.

Dad's future treatment is going to be lower doses of chemo and lots of prayer. His biggest obstacle is that he does not want to drink as much as he needs to. Unfortunately that is something only he can control and as his family we can only nag him so much.

Christmas Morning 2009

This year we enjoyed a nice, quiet Christmas morning. The girls were happy that Santa brought them what they wanted and soon we were need deep in paper! (Which I quickly gathered up to be recycled because according to my kids I am the "recycling nazi.")

Positive move

Dad was moved to a private room today. His BP is up well within normal range and no sign of dehydration. They started giving him insulin today though because his blood sugar was way too high. The girls and I went to see him for a few hours and he was much more alert and even ate some real food! I think it has finally set in that he HAS to start making more of an effort to eat and drink as much as possible. As I was leaving he even asked me to sneak him in a couple of beers tomorrow. Yeah, not gonna happen bud!

I had a flashback today. His room was very stuffy and I suddenly thought about the ice cream treats I saw in a vending machine on first floor the other day. I told the girls to come with me and we went down to scope it out. There were 10-12 different items to chose from and the girls took their time to insure a wise choice. Gentry chose a drumstick and as I was pushing the buttons on the vending machine, a memory from my childhood came over me like a wave...

I was only four years old when my Grandpa Dodd died of cancer.  I can only remember going to the hospital to see him one time and on that visit I distinctly remember someone taking me to the vending machines where they bought me a drumstick ice cream cone. I remember that because it was the first time I had ever had one and it was AWESOME!

As Gentry reached in and grabbed that drumstick I instantly thought, "Oh my.. now she going to have the same memory of her Grandpa fighting cancer in the hospital."

Thank you to Julie for taking his picture of my Dad at Thanksgiving.

Not an ideal Christmas

Last Wednesday my Dad was transported to Mercy Hospital in Manhattan. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back in October and also has tumors in his liver and lungs. They predicted he would only live six months. Wednesday he was unresponsive due to severe dehydration. As a result, his kidneys had shut down and his blood pressure was barely existent. We were told his heart could shut down at any time. We honestly didn't know if he would survive the 30 minute ambulance ride.

We spent all Christmas Eve day as well as Christmas Day with him in ICU. With the help of IV fluids, a blood transfusion, and several different blood pressure meds, he has regained function of his kidneys. Over the past two days they have been weening him off the other meds but his blood pressure is still too low to be moved out of ICU. We are still hopeful that his body will correct this eventually on its own.

The doctors are not giving us any false hope. They have said that the low blood pressure may just be a side effect of the cancer and he may not leave the hospital. Dad is insistent that he not be rescessitated if his heart stops. He wants to die naturally.

I want to sincerely say Thank you to all of my loving, supportive friends who understand what a difficult time this is for my family and have done nothing but send messages of encouragement and prayers...  you all are my rocks and you mean the world to me.

Early Morning Coyote Messenger

I am in my car an hour and a half each day as I drive to work so I am constantly scanning the fields and powerlines to see what types of animals I may encounter. This morning I saw something I have never seen before. Right along the side of the highway standing on top of a big round hay bale (yes.. ON TOP of the hay bale) was a coyote. He didn't flinch as I drove by & I even slowed down to get a better look at this straggly creature.

Of course my curiousity was peaked. Why would this animal make such a bold appearance? He was obviously trying to make a statement.

Native Americans believe that animals are here to teach us and give us messages sent from the Creator. According to different online sites, the coyote is known as the clever one and the foolish one. He is sometimes referred to as a trickster. He mirrors our human capacity for cleverness as well as our stupidity. He is the mirror for the lessons we need to learn to walk the right path and he will continue to hold up that mirror until we take the hint. I read that we should call on the coyote when we are in the middle of negotiating a difficult situation or perhaps thank him for showing us a trap we are in or a situation in which we are fooling ourselves.

The coyote is a powerful teacher when it comes to relationships but it is when we are in a relationship that we have a tendency to fool ourselves the most. More than anything, the coyote is a survivor. He shows us that life is unpredictable and that we can not control everything that happens around us. His wisdom teaches us to live in the moment and view unexpected occurrences as opportunities rather than misfortune.

Another site says that coyote can also teach us how to balance work and play, to have more fun in our lives.  When coyote appears to us we can re-create our lives in ways that we might never have dreamed if we are willing to lighten up and follow our instincts.  We all have something we would like to let go of.  If you feel a sense of relief, even if it is accompanied by a feeling of fear, then you know you are right in your wanting to move on.  Often what we really wants in life may seem very far away or impossible to achieve. Coyote can actually trick us into going for what we really want!

Was this early morning messenger trying to motivate me or get me to lighten up? I'm thinking the answer is "both." I think he was standing on that hay bale saying, "Hey.. life is awful sometimes but learn from it, laugh and have fun as much as you can, figure out what you want most in life and move on."

Snow Memories

My girls and I went Christmas shopping this past weekend. Being alone with them in the car opened up some interesting conversations to say the least but somehow we started talking about snow forts. I suddenly got really excited to tell them about the incredible snow forts that my dad provided every year after a big snow storm. Wow! I had nearly forgotten how much fun and how many hours my sister and I would dedicate to these ice castles!

After a big snow, dad would take the tractor with the skid loader on it and create two gynormous mounds of snow; one to the south and another to the north. My sister and I would lay claim to one of them and commence the creation of the most awesome fortress' imaginable (or at least in our minds). It was always a contest to see which one of us could be the most innovative.

I remember building steps up the front and hollowing out the center to create a wall to dodge snowballs from the "enemy." It was also a necessity to have an exit in case of emergency which was usually a slide down the back for a quick escape. We use to spend hours out there playing and being ornery. We would plot sneak attacks and bomb each other with a barrage of snowballs that we would stock pile. Eventually we would lose feeling in our toes and hands and have to go inside to thaw out with hot cocoa.

I know lots of kids build snow forts and what we did wasn't rocket science by any means. It was just something special that our dad did for us every year without saying a word.

This is my favorite picture of my Dad. (Thank you Aunt Sharon). The funny thing is that for as long as I can remember he has always worn overalls. Always.

My Dad...

All little girls idolize their Daddy. I am no different. If you are lucky you get a daddy who is patient, kind, spoils you, and doesn't pitch a fit when you put every barrette and pony-tail holder you own in their hair while sporting some very bright blue eye shadow and pink blush.

My Dad is awesome. Of all the things I remember as a child I remember him teaching me how to play softball. I remember the countless hours he spent out in the yard playing catch and practicing pitching with me. I was not the most athletic or graceful child but I tried and I loved to play sports. He supported me through volleyball, basketball, softball, and track. Those things were very important to him.. more so than I, and he always had advice for the "next time." Now I wish I would have paid more attention.

The thing about daddy's is that you always think they will be around to give that advice. Not so.

People come in and out of our lives so quickly; some more quickly than others. Some go because we have made a choice to let them go. Others are taken from us against our will.

I almost deleted this blog today. I felt it had served its purpose and I was ready to 'let it go' so to speak. Now, for at least a while I am going to use it as my outlet to tell my friends about my Daddy and what a wonderful man and father he is. He would be so embarrassed if he knew so let's don't mention it, okay?

The Iowa Sweat of Summer 2009

Last weekend I made the 4.5 hour trek up to West Des Moines where my favorite control freak of a friend organized an awesome spiritual retreat. She and I have one significant common characteristic and that is we like to have everything planned out, scheduled, and don't you dare change anything! Unfortunately for us and our O.C.D the Iowa weather made arrangements that we could not control. These pictures are the result of Plan B as far as location and it turned out to be the perfect spot.

This was my first experience getting to actually construct the sweat lodge. It is amazing to me how simple willow branches can be transformed into such a thing of beauty.

The willow branches are thin but they are very flexible and incredibly strong. We secured them together with simple twine and then added the red ribbons to attract the spirits.

Once the frame was constructed we covered it with a plethora of blankets and tarps. This is to insure that the inside of the lodge is pitch dark even if the sweat is held in the middle of the day.

Aaaaah.... the finished product.

Butterfly girls

We took the girls to Omaha's Henry Doorly zoo this past weekend. Both of the kids said it was by far the best zoo they had ever been to and there was still more we didn't see. They are already talking about "next year when we go back.... "

One of my favorite spots was the Garden of the Senses. They had these cool butterfly benches and of course I made them stop for a photo.

As I was uploading these pictures last night these two in particular stood out. My littlest is such a ham when it comes to getting her picture taken. She is not lacking in the self confidence department and truly enjoys being her own little creative individual. I love that about her because she doesn't get those characteristics from me.

My oldest on the other hand is a very thoughtful and reflective child. This picture speaks volumes to me as her mother because I see her changing so much both mentally and physically. She is like the tiny caterpillar who is in the process of morphing into a beautiful butterfly. Seeing her on this bench symbolizes to me the cycle of life. Our children change so quickly. We as parents help them to grow as individuals as much as they will let us and soon they take all that we have taught them and fly away to begin their own lives. While I know I have a few years before I have to deal with that reality it still makes me stop and be thankful for all the special moments we get now.

The Symbolism of the Bat

We discovered late last summer that there were bats living in the neighbor's tree to the North of us. It was a little freaky at first as they dive bombed the pool at dusk to grab a quick drink, especially if we happened to be in the pool at the time. This year they come visit every night and are really active when we have the pool lights on. My close friends know how into animal significance I am. I strongly believe that animals speak to us with their presence and it is our responsibility to not only respect them but to listen. So naturally I had to research what these little creatures may be trying to tell me.

I own a great book by Ted Andrews called "Animal Speak." According to the book if a bat has made it's presence known in your life it is telling you to prepare for a change and to face your fears. Often a bat comes into our lives when things seem to have gone from bad to worse and we need to let go of what is not working. So in a nutshell, the bat symbolizes change and transformation.

I don't claim to understand animal symbolism. I just find it extremely fascinating and often times it is right on. For now, I will keep "listening" to my bat and do some soul searching.

4:47am

At 4:47 this morning I had so many thoughts racing through my mind. I woke up thinking about how I need to start writing again and using this blog as an outlet. Someone told me once that we are the most creative around the 3am hour and I believe that is true. Most mornings I wake up, if only for a few minutes around 3:22. I am a constant thinker; a curse that also plagues my 8yr old. During the school year she sleep walks every night except Friday and Saturday. I think this is because there is no school the next day. She can't seem to shut her little mind off and I am probably to blame for that somehow.

So my randomness this morning at 4:47am included but was not limited to; 1. football, 2. school starting, but not for me this time (high five!), 3. my upcoming trip to Iowa, and 4. what to wear to work. Number 4 is a regular early morning thought. I like to have this planned out before I even crawl out of bed. Often times I drift back off and dream that I'm in the midst of a HUGE sale of some kind and all the clothes have designer labels but are dirt cheap! (I don't need Freud to interpret that one for me.) Anyway, I am going to try to harness some of my randomness and quit neglecting my blog and hopefully get the mental release I am craving right now.

Stay tuned.

Squirrley Girlies at Chuck-E-Cheese

My baby turned 8 on the 10th of July. Every year it seems we have some type of pool party since her birthday falls during the hottest time of the year. This year she decided on a party at Chuck-E-Cheese with a couple of her friends. The ride to Topeka was complete with intermittent Taylor Swift jam sessions, rockin' out to Lady Gaga, a serious discussion about Michael Jackson's death and a consensous was reached that he should have kept his old nose. One child professed her love for Elvis and then proceeded to announce, "You know he died on the pot, right?" There were tons of giggles and not all of them were coming from the back seat.
I think "Badass" sums up this picture.

The three little girls spent a lot of time in the sketch machine taking various goofy pictures and getting just the right ones for each to take home. Gentry could not resist and had to get in on the action as well.
The girls played Skee-ball almost non-stop accumulating as many tickets as possible. In true Sydie style she decided to sport hers in the form of a ticket boa.
I never expected to spend three hours in Chuck-E-Cheese and normally I would choose sticking pins in my eye over this kind of trip. However, the girls had a blast and I have to admit we had a ball watching them be silly.
Happy Birthday baby girl.

Gator Girl

As the girls were playing their last softball game behind us we heard the sound of plastic tires on concrete. This little kiddo was driving a tiny little John Deere Gator around the grounds picking up trash.

I love the squirreled up look on her face in this shot.
It's a dirty job but somebody has to do it!

Tiny Fan

I don't know a handful of 3 year olds who would take this much interest in a big kids softball game but this little guy sure did. It tickled me to see him plop down on the front row of the bleachers, elbows on his knees and head in his hands right behind home plate. He looked as though he was studying the players every move. While completely adorable he soon received a better offer to go play nerf softball with his cousin Syd and off he went. He did come back for a bit later to cheer for his older cousin in left field. His yells of "Get ready Gentry!" and "Get the ball Gentry!" had her down and ready with the biggest grin on her face. I was actually hoping the ball would not be hit to her because I'm not real sure she was paying complete attention to the game. It was very cool that she had her own tiny fan.

1st Tournament of 2009

This past weekend was the first time Syd has played B's softball. I was worried that she would be the kid playing in the outfield, twirling in circles or kicking the dirt but she stayed focused. They played four games total and the last game she got to play catcher. She wasn't a huge fan of playing this position because the gear seemed to be kicking her butt.

The 8 and under B's took first in their first tournament of 2009.

Gentry's team played four games and then had to play a fifth for the championship that lasted seven innings. They took first in their first tournament of 2009 as well. Both of the girls had an excellent day. We got to the ball field at 7:00am that morning and were pouring ourselves in a car at 9:30 that night to make the trek home. It was a long, exhausting, COLD, exciting day.

My Lil Wicked Witch of the West

My Sydie loves to perform and if there are costumes or "outfits" involved then all the better! This year the second graders performed songs from the Wizard of Oz. Their music teacher printed the words and asked the kids to work on them at home. Syd took this request very seriously and spent evenings in her room practicing and drove her sister crazy at the breakfast table singing as well. She already knew she wanted to be the Wicked Witch of the West but I did talk her out of the green face paint. I was concerned it may not completely come off for school the next day.

The Egging of 2009

My birthday has always fallen close if not dead on Easter. This year it was the week of so one of my very good, yet sometimes evil friend thought the Easter bunny needed to wish me a Happy Birthday. I came home from work to find 500 plastic eggs strewn all over my front yard! There was toilet paper in the trees and bushes and a sign that read, "Happy Birthday from the Easter Bunny!"
Later I found out that my kids had actually helped her with the strewing, so guess who got to help pick up all these eggs. In case you ever wondered, 500 eggs will fill a 13 gallon trash bag quite nicely. I wonder who's yard these colorful little tokens will end up in next..... hmmmmm?

Another year older.

2009 5th Grade Fine Arts Program

As I was uploading these pictures it dawned on me that this is the class of 2016. Someday soon I will have a senior in high school and will be looking back at this class picture saying "Ah.... remember when... ?" I suspect the next seven years will fly by extremely fast whether I want them to or not. For now all I can do is embrace the changes my girls are experiencing, help them along the way, and hang on for dear life!

This is the first year that the grade school kids were eligible to participate in band. Gen was so excited and after a lot of consideration, decided that she would try the clarinet. Her decision making process primarily consisted of "Which instrument is the easiest?" and "Which instrument is easiest to carry?" After we explained that there is going to be a learning curve with any instrument and suggested she choose one that she really likes, she chose the clarinet. Quite honestly, I was a little relieved she did not have an over-whelming desire to play the drums.

Spring Break Outing

I wanted to have at least one day with the girls over spring break. So many days lately we all seem to be running in different directions and quality time is scarce. I just wanted one day that we could just get away for the day and cut loose. Eventually we ended up at the Topeka zoo.

"One...... two....... I see two!"

It amazes me to watch kids take on challenges and they seem to master them so effortless. Syd has not been the exception with learning to bowl and developing her technique. She is 7 yrs old and throws a 8 lb ball... with a curve! This is her first full year bowling. Last year she was so frustrated because her little light weight ball kept drifting off into the gutter that she quit. This year started the same way but with relentless PEP talks, she has hung in there and it has paid off for her. Several of our youth bowlers went to State back in December. Syd went in with a 44 average and bowled well above that on all of her games. She did so well, in fact that she claimed first place in State for the 8 and under girls age division!

This past weekend she was needing a little boost and I challenged her to try to get a 100 game. The deal with our girls has always been, get your first 100 game and you can get your own ball... but not until. With her little average, Syd bowled a 120 her second game and needless to say, her new ball is on its way.

You rock girlie!

Titans/Ravens Play Off Game 1-10-2009

Jamie and I made a quick trip to Nashville to watch the Titans take on the Ravens hoping we would get to move on to the AFC Championship. The energy in the stadium for this game was exhilarating. We use to be able to go to every game but now, not so much. I love how loud that stadium gets when all 69,000 plus fans just lose their minds. I loved it. Complete strangers were high-fiving us and we all cheered and cursed as one big Titans family. It was incredibly cool even though we did not get the win.